I know exactly where my misophonia comes from and when it started
I am sorry because english is not my first language but I just really need to rant.
When I was a child, around the age of 13 maybe, my parents would fight a lot, and I would hear them, especially my mom who would scream at my father all the time. One day I was listening to music on my computer with earphones, and I started hearing my mom who started talking loudly at my father, and I just couldn’t bear it anymore, that I turned the volume to the max so that I could stop hearing her.
Since that day, every sound that would come out of my bedroom (my bubble) would trigger me, except for the sounds of nature like birds, or storm, I also don’t mind lawn-mowers or cars passing buy. Everything else is a trigger : the tv, the music, the talking, the doors slamming.. Every sound that comes piercing my safe bubble is so triggering.
My family would mock me and tell me that it was just bratty behavior, my mom would purposefully turn up the volume of the TV when she would see me triggered.
I am almost 30 now, and when I am at home I am constantly wearing headphones or earphones with white noise. I used to wear earplugs all the time but I can’t tolerate them anymore.
I have spent more than half my life with misophonia, it pulled me into very dark places, I had suicidal thoughts for many years, struggling to understand why I was this way?
Today my misophonia is just part of my life, headphones and earphones are my daily life, I am so used to it, it’s not a huge problem anymore but it’s still there, every single day. Not a day off.
Today I just had a big ugly cry, just thinking about it, I was just a child, who couldn’t bear to hear their parents fight anymore, and it’s so unfair that I have to live with that for the rest of my life.
Sorry for the rant, I am so ashamed by that that I don’t talk about it to anyone. Thanks for reading that far. Its comforting to know that I am not alone.