Is this normal? I don’t drink often btw and do it with mum’s supervision/green light. It’s not that I physically can’t inhale, it’s that my mouth gets so warm it feels like I can’t, even if I know cognitively that I’m fine. My heart races bad as a result too. Is that normal? I can drink other things just fine but vodka gives me these trapped or suffocating feelings for a few moments
Can’t get treatment yet, can’t handle my thoughts, can never seem to just be normal. I want to talk about it, find community, but all the ones I’ve found are people who a) make their discussions excessively sexual or b) tell people to kill themselves for differing opinions. I just want normal community w/ atleast somewhat non pornographic discussion. I don’t want to roleplay with you, I don’t want to see your nudes, I don’t fucking care!!! Fuck off!! Everyday is hell and I can’t stop thinking about people’s insides, decaying flesh, murder, complete control, etc, it’s not fun :,) it desensitizes you. I saw a lot of gore as a kid but when it turned sexual I felt less empathy and revulsion than before. I get scared I’ll hurt somebody, but the worst part is I can’t tell if I’m just scared or anxious. I can’t tell if I feel guilty or if I’m worried I’d be caught. I hate it I’m going nuts and everyone I talk to about paraphilic disorders just acts like it’s this fun little bit of their life it’s not fucking fun for me it’s not fucking fun at all just go fuck yourself