Help, I need to understandt.
Hello, I'm a person born in a agnostic-to-atheist family. I've always a Power mystic imagination and, about my 30s, I had a strong feeling of being called by a charm, powerful light.
I surrended to faith. By my country and culture, It was Catholic faith. Catholic Church became my spiritual structure of reference and I was baptized and confirmed.
Despite this, some things doesn't match. My light, which I strongly link with Christ Jesus, commited me to be first vegetarian and then vegan. Also, get me away from drinking alcohol. Is stronger then, and heal my body and mind.
Catholic priests and morals are okay with meat eating (which I simply can't tolerate, out of compassion for animals) and even with drink a lot of alcohol if It IS with Friends and don't kill me. Simply It doesn't match with my light. Even they're clothed in black, when the light always is in White when I "saw" "Him".
My visión of Christ Jesus is a Brown skinned man with beard, with a kufi cap and a White robe, Who lives in the night and in the top of a snowy mountain, whose snow He takes with a silver chalice to give me.
I feel Him deep and strong in Eucharist, a rite that I only feel properly done by Catholics.
Once, he in the form of a child said to me "look inside". Also, Mother Mary is important to me and sais "Am I not here, and I'm your Mother?".
I've tried to think or believe other religions (hinduism, buddhism) more alligned with my concerns but is simply impossible. IS like spiritual acid to me, I only feel rest with Jesus and/or Mary. When I discovered neoplatonism, I suspect that can give me answers. Plutarch nearly speaks like me about meat and animals. Is Christ Jesus my tutelar guardian? What I love of Catholic Church, is ancient philisophy and theurgy? I'm really a Platonic?
Thanks!