Partner just doesn’t understand and it makes me angry
Very long one apologies
Not sure if this belongs in this subreddit but if I could get any advice from anyone that’s been in the same situation, I would be grateful 🙏🏾
My partner feels like “I’m not showing them love” when I’m too tired to be overly excited to see them. For context I work in a busy ICU just started after moving from a much quieter unit so it’s taking some serious getting used to. We have been together for almost 4 years live apart and I usually go to work from their house as it’s closer to my new job.
Yesterday and today I had two very busy shifts on my feet all day. Was just able to stuff food in my mouth during break times type of busy. I try to communicate with my partner through the day via text but they usually understand if I don’t reply in hours I’m very busy. They’re usually okay and very understanding about that.
So yesterday after my shift I came back to theirs and immediately went to be slept from 9pm that’s how tired I was I noticed their behaviour was odd quiet and reserved. But I was polite I said hi made small convo mentioned my hectic day and said I’m going to bed. The next morning they made a comment that implied they where sad last night cause I wasn’t as bubbly as I usually am, I kinda brushed it off as I was rushing for work and genuinely didn’t want to hear it. Today I’ve finished work they’ve picked me up from the station and it’s immediately awkward I try to make some small talk but it doesn’t really go anywhere and I kinda leave it cause again on my feet all day , I just didn’t have the mental capacity. We get back in the flat I just lie down we have a few short convos about some stuff but nothing too deep. They then go “I haven’t been feeling the love” I try to explain very tired, my behaviour has nothing to do with them and more due to the fact that uno 12 hr shift on my feet all day. I just need to settle and decompress. But I did also mention in no way was I mean or moody I was just simply quiet, just kept to myself before I can start processing the real world. To preface they are usually really touchy, loud and playful type of person. I can be too just not when I’m tired. Whilst I understand they may feel a bit “unloved” because I’m not my usual bubbly self , but at the same time how do I effectively relay that I genuinely not mad or sad I’m just tired ? They seem to get so offended and make it about themselves, but now I’m offended cause you know I’ve had a long day at work, you can see the fatigue in my attitude and the way I look yet you somehow turn it around to “.your not showing me love”??? It genuinely is making me mad the more I think about it
I did bring this point up to which they replied “you can’t say I can’t feel that way” which is true but how do I say that is none of my concern if me distressing after a long day makes you feel not loved ? In the nicest way possible
Has anyone had a partner who just dosent get it a d how did you make it click for them ?