My boyfriend and I recently got back together after a painful breakup, and instead of just “trying again,” we sat down and wrote an actual relationship agreement together. It covers things like:
no physical or verbal abuse
no cheating or deliberate lying
mandatory couples therapy
rules for conflict and communication
privacy boundaries
finances/living arrangements
expectations around marriage/kids
social media/phone transparency
no contact with exes
what happens if the relationship ends again
Some parts feel really healthy and mature to me
we’re acknowledging the damage instead of pretending it didn’t happen
we’re trying to create accountability on both sides
we included review periods because we know relationships evolve
But other parts make me wonder if we’re overcorrecting out of fear. For context, there was hurt on both sides during the relationship. No cheating, but there were communication problems, emotional escalation, and trust damage that built up over time.
Part of me feels hopeful because this is the first time either of us has approached a relationship this intentionally. Another part of me worries that healthy relationships shouldn’t need a constitution.
So I’m genuinely curious:
Should we get back together or not? Has anyone here ever done something similar? And did it help or make things worse?