u/Ok-Art-3649

i could go to concerts, play trick or treat, have friends over, do sleepovers, go on camping trips, hike, hangout out with friends in the local mall and in the suburban neighborhood streets and parks

idk before i knew i was gay but at times id move on and go on about my life despite being closeted. but now even when im enjoying the moment, being gay, like being aware and conscious ab my sexuality crosses my mind. and i get sad or slightly upset or stressed sometimes that i cannot live my life being open and that what would these very important but backwards people would react if i come out. i dont even know what my family and relatives think about homosexuality.

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idk how to style my hair im chopped so doing my hair better would hopefully make me less chopped?

i’m 5ft 9.5 in

whenever there’s something to celebrate or something to be upset ab i wish i had my people to share it with to make my chest feel lighter. whenever there’s a beautiful sunset with breeze passing by i wish i had my people to enjoy the moment with. whenever there’s a new movie or big event or fest going on i wish i had brothers to watch and attend it with. whenever i want to explore a new hobby, try out a new restaurant i wish i had pals to join and support me. whenever im being bullied or made fun of i wish i had real friends that stood up for me and not just be polite. whenever im walking down the street between classes because i dont have anything to do i wish i had friends that would hangout with me in the parks, at the library, at the cheap bakery selling stale and mediocre food. whenever im walking from one class to another i wish i had friends to walk with. whenever im free on weekends i wish i had friends to hang with doing everything, something and nothing. whenever i wake up from nap on evenings feeling empty i wish i had friends to text how i felt as the sun went into slumber. whenever i feel trapped for being gay in a homophobic country i wish i had friends to reassure me. whenever i cry at night because im overwhelmed, because i cannot concentrate on my studies and have been flunking my exams because of my adhd, because someone hurt my feeling, because im gay and closeted and im a loverboy and want a bf so bad and need to escape this country to be free, and get into a good uni abroad but ive got bad grades and immigration has been limited and because everyone hates taking in immigrants, because of past memories, because im dramatic, because ive been bullied and made fun of, because ive been ignored, because i dont have a life i wish i had a friend to rant about instead of telling chatgpt how i feel or typing it out on reddit at around 12:30 past midnight. all i ever asked for was some friends