They say the heart is never mistaken....
~Hey everyone, this is my second and last post... [Storytime]>>>
They say the heart is never mistaken when it comes to feelings and making choices based on those feelings. And to be honest? I think they are absolutely right.
Ever since our eyes met eachother that rainy night, from second one my heart whispered "He's the one". I waited all my life for him, my one and only.
I was convinced that my heart would know the day I met him and it did. I didn't date anyone, I wanted to save myself and my everything for my special one. It's really crazy how I was just so sure I would meet him one day, that I declined every vague flirt from a lot of boys and guys because I just knew they were not my destiny. I liked some guys but it was only a very superficial level of attraction that used to fade away within days.
He is the first guy I ever dated, kissed, and everything else. I gave him the first place in everything because he was the one and my heart knew.
It was love at first sight, I never truly thought it was real but it happened to me. That night, I just saw him and I fell completely in love with him. I didn't knew him at all but at the same time I felt that I knew him from all my life, I trusted him blindly, loved him hard and completely, and from that very first night I just knew I wanted to spend the rest of my with him, and I had a deep sense that we belonged to eachother.
The place, the time, the ambience, the sudden heavy rain and us trying to take shelter getting all wet under a tent.
We were at a carnival party, maybe 50 people were there that night, huge field. We ended up apart from the rest of the people somehow, in the same place, under the same tent. He spoke to me with a nervous tone "Miss, are you cold? I could borrow you my shirt if it wasn't wet", our laughs coming at the same time, the nervous conversation. The phone number exchange before I had to leave in a hurry. The way he held my hand when I was leaving and asked me to hug him... We didn't know eachother yet we did and so well.
It was more like remembering eachother.
His scent got stuck on my skin somehow, and it was like no other scent or smell or perfume I had ever smelled before... It was so perfect and delicious. I remember I wouldn't stop smelling my hand closing my eyes just to remember him again. I loved his scent from the very first time ever.
It was so magical, I started stalking his social media, using his pictures as wallpapers, dedicating songs, writting him poems and songs too. Messaging about anything and everything. He was very avoidant at first, very distant, and I just knew him, he was scared and had been hurt. He wanted to trust me but didn't know how.
I gave him everything except space even though as an avoidant he constantly pulled away. I was just there at all times caring over him, showering him with my love, and just wanting to be part of his life so desperately.
The first time he brought me to his apartament, the first time we kissed, the first time we joined our bodies... When we watched movies after making love and I would lay on his chest just staring at his beautiful face.
He wasn't too affectionate. He was distant. He only liked me, he wasn't in love with me yet. Or worse, wouldn't accept it out of fear to be betrayed again.
I knew he wasn't in love with me, I knew he didn't saw me as something serious. I knew... And I still had plenty of love for both of us. I could see the magic beyond fear. Because I could also see that he wasn't playing with me either, even if he saw me as something temporal. A one night thing.
I was on the verge of *gaming over* myself, and I didn't do it only because I met him that night. He is the reason I am still breathing today. He is (as I wrote on his contact name) my reason to live.
Somehow one month went by, but I felt it was like 6... For him time was normal speed.
And of course at times his late replies (sometimes 2 days later) made me lose it. I would cry and wonder what I did wrong. I didn't even got mad at him I'd just be so sad.
I collected his hair, nails, the receipts we would have from going out, and even the bottles or cans of the drinks we have... I saved everything and sometimes I displayed the cans on my room as wall decoration. They were sacred to me.
I had framed pictures of him, I would sleep hugging the smallest one as if it was my childhood teddybear.
His scent would set on my clothes and skin everytime we were together, I remember coming back home and removing my clothes (putting in other ones) and leaving those on my bed to sleep hugging them imagining I was sleeping with him next to me.
I had never slept so well before him.
One year went by, two years, and now three.
The first year everything was fine.
The second one and third everything went downhill and really fast.
He still held contact with his ex girlfriend... I found her letters to him, her gifts, her texts on his phone. But it took months, while I found one and another thing. My obsession and my love for him made me blind... I didn't want to believe it, I was seeing it but couldn't believe it.
The third year, 2026. I kept telling him, stop this, choose me, stop seeing her, stop texting her. He kept lying about everything. Until I faced him with her, and he just lost acted cold about it... Days after we saw eachother, I tried to be chill but he kept doubting of me as if I was cheating. I lost it and was furious. I left his house. He didn't text me the next day so I blocked him.
I was already walking away. And no, I didn't do it because I didn't love him anymore. I did it because I thought that was what he wanted. I gave him freedom so he could be with her, even if that meant I was going to be destroyed by it.
I made the choice he couldn't make because he knew how much I loved him.
I changed my phone number. As the days passed he came to my house to look for me. And that left me more confused than anything he had ever done. Because, why was he here? I didn't remember having any of his belongings... Why did he came?
I couldn't believe it.
I saw something on his eyes that I've never seen before.
That spark... That shine...
His tears pouring as he saw me acting colder than ever.
His hand reaching for mine and grabbing what felt like a corpse's hand...
That night when he came to look for me I just felt in my heart /he does love me/... But how? Why? Could it be?
He begged me not to leave him. I said then change, I didn't deserve any of that and I don't wanna go through the same again. For months I was just in a collapsing mental state and I don't even know how did I pull through.
"I am capable of doing anything and everything for you, but I need you in my life. Without you I'm nothing. I know I'm not worth crap, I am worth nothing but I do love you more than I ever loved anyone in my life. Please, say you still love me, I need you beside me. Life without you is death..."
I repeated then change... Change and then come and find me again. He said: "I've already changed, but I need you by my side, nothing makes sense without you".
I stayed, but I didn't replied if I still loved him because I was just scared, confused and doubtful....
We had previously talked about the same two times ago but I knew deep down he was gonna keep on doing whatever he wanted.
This time it was completely different.
It's been a month, and everyday since that day.
He is just a new man.
He's not the guy I met that night, non chalant, avoidant, flirty and just non commited.
He became commited, clingy, needy, and exclusive to me.
He is much more romantic now, tells me he loves me everytime he can, asks about me and remembers every detail. He is just the man I wanted him to be the most when I first met him.... Also? He is becoming obsessive about me, and I don't exagerate when I use that word at all believe me.
It all seems like a dream that sometimes I think I'm dead and this is my afterlife or something. Then sometimes I also get terrified of this ending all of the sudden.
He is very patient with me and reassures me everytime.
I couldn't be happier.
I still have to process the pain of the past man, I feel like I'm present physically here but mentally I am still in those same moments of sharp pain finding what made me wanna stop existing. But is a process and I will do it beside him.
All the pain, all the exahustion, all the tears and cries.
All the way back here just trying to move on, to find someone like me. I felt emotionally numb, unable to love or even feel attraction towards anyone despite catching my full attention.
I do believe some people are meant to love once in their entire lives. And I know now for a fact that I am one of those people.
I couldn't love anyone else beside him. Even when he hurt me the most, even when he broke me in a thousand pieces, I still couldn't hate him or feel remorse. I couldn't even blame him, I couldn't yell at him nor insult him.
I couldn't stop loving him. And I know I won't stop loving him ever. He is my destiny.
Call it craziness, stupidity, blindness, obsession, or true love.
Either way, this is all of the altogether.
I can't fall in love with anyone else. Or love anyone else.
And even if I could? I don't think I would want to.
I've come to a permanent decision: The heart is never mistaken. And thus, I will continue to do what I've been doing all these years beside him, follow my heart.
I don't ever wanna leave him, and I won't ever let him leave me either. Wherever that takes us both. I just know I wanna die beside him whenever that happens. And I wanna marry him, I just want him. I don't care about anything else, I want him to be only mine forever and ever.
I share my story, because maybe this can help someone someday that finds themselves in a similar situation, or maybe it can give you insights of a new perspective.
I stayed more than any sane person would have.
And I love him still and more than before even with all the things that happened. I don't think any person would do that. It's not about recieving some medal or prove anything, this is about telling you that sometimes, some loves, can be more powerful than the most horrifying pain in this world.
It just reminds me to a saying here in my city:
"When you burn a field, a jungle, a mountain... Everything seems gone, everything seems dead.. But soon after, you will see plants growing back again, and after sometime it will seem like the fire never happened in the first place.
And you know what? The fire actually makes all plants to grow stronger than before, and makes the soil even better too. That's why plants also grow greener after that, like they are even more alive than before".
My love for him surpasses everything else there is.
This time my love is stronger, more intense. And I've warned him about it, if he ever tried to do anything like he did. I warned him the concequences and he just accepted them. He said: "I know what you feel, because I am feeling the same too... I am becoming like you (obsessive & potencially dangerous)... I'm gonna hold you and I won't ever let you go"
He also said: "I wonder what people would think of us... Us obssesed with eachother. Maybe they would think we are crazy"...
He wants us to be for eachother.
We both will delete all our social media, and not talk with the opposite sex unless it's family.
He was always extremely jealous but now he is escalating even more and I love it. I am escalating too on my jealousy and everything else... And I feel I can freely be myself now with him unlike before, he accepts my craziness and weirdness... And I accept his wrongs and his new self.
It feels great.
I love him to death.
His cinnamon skintone, his andean eyes, his thick lips, black hair, his whole body, his scent... He is just the most beautiful and perfect my eyes will ever see..
He knows... He knows no one will ever love him as much as I do. No one will be as crazy and obsessed for him as me.
And if I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a thing.
I just want to be with him.
I can't let go and I will never let him go.
Whatever happens, I want to be beside him. I can't live without him.
And I am willing to stand anything just for him.
Be with me... Even if you bring me pain, tears, sorrow or happiness, anger or fear. Be with me. I am yours.
Be only mine forever and let's be together until we die, and if there's an afterlife let's also live our lives together again.
Hurt me, care for me, love me, get mad at me, make me happy, make me scared, make me stressed, make me relax... I want all of you, your bad and your good. I want it all as long as it's yours... Because I am yours, and your everything belongs to me...
I also did something I wanted to do a long time ago when I met him... I carved his name on my skin. Big red letters on my chest, along a heart... I love it, and he doesn't know it yet... I only belong to him, and now I will carry his name on me for the rest of our lives as proof of my deep devotion to him. 🌹
I hope you all find what you are looking for.
I didn't know I did a long time ago.
Best wishes for all... Bye bye.