coke addiction
I’m a 22M college senior in my last semester, and I’ve been stuck in a cycle that I’m trying to break out of.
I keep going out and falling into habits I know aren’t good for me. In the moment it doesn’t feel like a big deal, but afterward I get a lot of anxiety and regret. The weird part is that even while it’s happening, it almost feels like I’m detached from myself—like I’m just observing it instead of fully in control of it.
I genuinely love my life outside of this and I’m doing fine in school, but when I’m in that environment it doesn’t feel like “me” anymore. Even when I use substances, instead of feeling normal or relaxed, I just feel off and not like myself.
This is one of the main reasons I am stopping coke because it’s not supposed to make you feel relaxed and “normal”.
Afterwards I try to reset everything—working out, eating better, avoiding those situations—but I still end up going back into the same pattern. I know where it leads every time, and I don’t like the version of myself I become in it, but I still struggle to stop once I’m in that setting.
I don’t really know if it’s boredom or just the stage of life I’m in, but I feel stuck in a loop that I can clearly see and still have trouble breaking.
If anyone has dealt with something similar and found a way out, I’d really appreciate hearing what helped.