Told my wife..
.. and she told me we will be okay. It felt really bad when i gave her the real number i lost. 65k in total, i havings no more savings. I still have a but of money in ETF but i had to sell a bit if it to cover bills this month.
We just got a child, i should be loaded and optimistic but everything always come back in my mind to money i lost. I could use it in so pany ways it makes me sick, sad, angry and ashamed of myself.
Now my wife counts my days off gambling, i can't avoid being asked every day because i asked to. It's good but it's hard. At least i've put all the chances on my side.
I have to confess i didn't tell her a 5k loan i took.. i'll pay it back asap and forget about it.
Man how much i miss those days when i didn't have this poison in my head. I could be genuinely happy and bored without anxiety. Now, every minute not doing something i feel crushed by remorse.
I know i didn't dig myself too deep as far of now, but i restart in square zero, while i should be so far ahead.
I hope someday i can feel whole again and genuinely happy like i used to 3 years ago...