Need help, feeling hopeless
(posted on another account but it was likely flagged so I'm posting it on this one so it can hopefully be seen)
I was a contractor for a few years at a company and tried for a long time to get a FT position while I was there to no avail.
I left because I moved away and needed alot of time to adjust(and knew as a contractor who had to be there every day that it wasn't practical at the time to stay). But I regret leaving because it's been several months with no luck, there's no relevant jobs closeby so I've been looking and applying to jobs in my original area.
I even reached out to my former manager, months in advance, expressing interest in returning when there is a FT role because of how much I enjoyed being there, and I also made it clear that the commute would be fine considering FTEs are hybrid. Turns out there was eventually an open FT role, and I told the manager I applied. The role was posted after I reached out to them about a different role, and the manager literally told my coworker that they want me to be able to return. After 1 month of no correspondence, I asked for an update but got a generic response implying the process barely started(actually they were doing phone screenings at this time). Another month goes by and I hear from friends that theyre doing interviews, but still nothing for me.
I ask again for an update only to be told that they're hiring an internal candidate(a contractor who is already there). I felt so betrayed and hopeless. I was ignored and holding out hope for 2 months not knowing anything aside from info from my friends. I thought the manager would've remembered my good performance and my messages advocating for myself and my interest. This role was a perfect fit and was so important to me, I honestly can't convey it properly here, there's also alot more needed context/nuance.
I feel like I'll never get a job now, I've been out of work for a long time and am in a dark headspace. I'm considering being a contractor again as a last resort to try to get my foot back in the door, but I fear that the distance/commute would scare hiring managers off and blacklist me somehow(plus being a contractor would be a huge unstable lifestyle change until i find a suitable job).
I’m on the fence on what to do. A hybrid model is ideal for me, but those are hard to come by. What should I do, opt for contractor positions and deal with that, or keep applying and wait indefinitely for the right opportunity? Sorry this is so long, I feel like I have nowhere else to turn.