Am I avoiding or is he controlling?
I am purposefully not asking this on marriage subreddits because I don't want men's input. I want women's input.
I'm mid 40's and have been married ten years. We have young children. My husband was initially pretty discouraging around me starting a business which I did five years ago. He brought up valid concerns but also a lot of his fears. I ended up starting a business, but as we all know, initially, it's not profitable. So, I had to take some side jobs about two years ago that were pretty flexible but required me occasionally to work weekends or evenings. But, my husband, since the beginning of our relationship, has wanted to have a near total monopoly on my time. We had to do everything together, and initially I liked it after having dated guys who were a bit non-comittal. Before kids, we were spending our weekends outdoors- running, hiking, etc. But it was like he always needed to be by me or he would mope. He invited me to all of the outings with his friends and I was expected to do the same-- which I didn't always do.
Anyway, now that we have kids, and I have a lot of work projects on my plate, my husband is really resentful. It's not just that he wants us to spend quality time- he wants us to have coffee every morning together at a local cafe, he doesn't ever want me to work in the evenings, and he was so angry at me for taking a 30 minute work call on Sunday without first getting his permission. I was finally feeling like I could leave the kids with him one morning a week to go to business meetings for women (it starts early at 7am on Tuesdays) and he recently told me that he "gave me permission and more free time even though he didn't want to. As if him taking the kids to school one morning a week was this huge sacrifice he had to make.
I am by no means working around the clock here and neglecting my family. I pick up my kids early from school- around 2pm every day. I arrange a date night almost every week withhim. But, again, the expectation is that every night and throughout the entire weekend, we will be glued at the hip. He is "just trying to protect me" from overworking (yeah fucking right). I am so suffocated by him. When I bring it up, he whines and nearly cries that I am an absent partner. It's true I am trying to get space. I've been suffocated by this man for so long- but he won't do therapy, won't read books together on improving anything, our sex life sucks and a part of me does wonder if he's closeted. So many issues. But, for me, right now, I need to focus on work to keep my businesses running. How do I deal with a man like this?!?