Reading Adam Silvera’s work got me to come out to my mom
TL;DR for my comment on the main post: Just started reading this year. TBDATE gave me hope, MHTN broke my heart, and the ending of HIAYLM made me hyperventilate. Adam Silvera writes my internal monologue better than I do.
I might get flamed for being too engrossed and too moved by his works, but it’s been kind of a hectic past couple of years for me. Sorry if this is too much since this is just about me spilling my secrets out.
I started attending a fully online college back in 2024, got depressed and failed my first semester. I tried to get myself back on track with my courses, but everything being modular (Quizzes/Exams, lectures, and activities all not requiring ANY face to face or at least having any human-screen-human interaction) sent me in the worst years of my life, and it’s all due to my own incompetence. I started lying to everyone about how my college is going “I’m doing good” or “I almost failed a class, but didn’t” since everyone knew I was a smart kid that gets above average grades without even showing *hint* of effort. I was slightly anxious at first, thinking about when someone will catch me in a lie, but that didn’t happen.
Fast forward more than 1 year later, I developed this constant pain I feel in my heart due to the anxiety that this lie has been giving me. I couldn’t sleep properly, I couldn’t even talk to anyone, especially my mom, about anything without me calculating the risks of the topic reminding them of college or school. I felt that the comfort and necessities that my family provides me at home was a burden, since I kept thinking that I didn’t deserve any of it by not being a good son that actually attends his classes.
January of this year, I came across Adam Silvera’s They Both Die At The End while looking for some manga. I started reading it and ended up loving it. I immediately ordered all of Adam Silvera’s other works and got hooked. You can read more of what I felt about each book in the comment I made in the main post.
Adam Silvera’s YA MLM books gave me hope that I might actually have a future worth fighting for, and that this one simple thing (college) is nothing in the face of everything else, which is what gave me the courage to spill the lies that I’ve been telling to my mom.
I confessed to it, and in the spur of the moment, I confessed that I was also gay. I didn’t know WHAT came over me then, but I thought that this courage might not come back again in my life so I had to spill EVERYTHING. I confessed I’ve been having suicidal ideation since I was 8. I confessed a ton of other events that happened to me, secrets that will stay between me and her.
She said “It’s okay” and that nothing in this universe will ever make her stop loving me, her one and only child. Added note: my mom is a very religious and Christian.
I thanked every star and higher being in the universe that:
- My mom is awesome
- Adam Silvera’s books gave me hope