My girlfriend doesn’t want me to get top surgery.
Hello everyone, looking for some advice!
So I am genderfluid. I am comfortable with being she/they/he etc. I do not care what anyone calls me and recently I’ve expressed this opinion to my girlfriend that I wouldn’t mind getting top surgery. To clarify, this was a hypothetical scenario. I don’t have the money for it, I’m a uni student, but it’s been on my mind. I dont want to look more masculine, to be frank I always loved looking feminine and masculine at the same time. I love the idea of people not knowing if I’m a boy or a girl, and also dont use sexuality labels. I just like the person, regardless of the body or gender identity. I have a desire to just be human and like who I like without explaining myself.
So for context, my girlfriend is a lesbian. They go by she/they, and we have had a great relationship for the last 2 years. Recently she’s been feeling less confident, she had a lot going on the last year, and i understand their perspective.
Now, I mentioned that I’d love to get too surgery. I don’t like the way my body looks when I put clothes on, and my chest always gives me gender dysphoria. Ever since I was a kid I would be envious of people with a flat chest, if they’re a woman or a man. I just feel like (hypothetically) if I ever could, I would totally do it. I also once mentioned that I’d want to take testosterone but not to be trans, only to be more nonbinary leaning, as my body is quite feminine. I don’t know how to explain it, but I saw a video of a nonbinary person who said they take testosterone periodically to maintain a nonbinary look, without transitioning fully, and I thought that’s so beautiful, I understood it and it just clicked.
My girlfriend once said she wished sometimes to get top surgery, and from the beginning I said, if she wishes to, id be supportive all the way. I do not care how she wants to look like, I’ll love her either way. Which is why it was surprising to me when she said they dont want me to get top surgery or testosterone. She started crying about it, and I was confused. I tried to reassure her to tell her it was a hypothetical situation and I’m not in a financial position to even get testosterone or top surgery, then made a joke that ‘I’m too scared of testosterone anyways because I don’t wanna be bald’, which is half true, but I was trying to lighten up the mood.
Point is: I’m confused. Very confused. What do I do? How do I explain it to her that this is just an idea so I can fit into my own gender identity more?!
thank you!