Now When He’s Not There, It Feels Like He Should Be
I don’t know where to start with this but it’s been driving me up a wall for the past few days and I need someone (or multiple people) who don’t know me in real life to hear about what’s going on from an unbiased perspective. Or something.
I guess to start I’ll say that I’ve been dreaming about a coworker of mine to a degree in which I have never dreamt about someone before. I can confidently say at least 11, but after that, I can’t tell you how much it’s actually happened. In the span of two weeks I’d say more than a dozen times in total. I have extremely vivid dreams and I can recount a handful from years ago. I have themes in my dreams too that have stayed consistent enough throughout the years (ie: getting lost in the town I grew up in, homes where they shouldn’t be, impossible roads) but never have I dreamt about those themes to this degree in the span of a few days.
The dreams are fairly “normal” for me all things considered. I don’t think I’ve had many mundane dreams in my life cause there’s always an air of absurdity to them so for me, they can’t be considered scary or whatever. He’s always there now though it seems. Talking to me, getting into arguments with other people over text that I can read, working together. Through the weirdness of my dreams he’s giving some sense of normalcy in them.
I started a tally as a joke with my friends asking them when I should contact a shaman to fix it or tell me what’s going on. But it’s getting weird even for me, I cannot express enough how much this has never happened to me before. I feel like I need to contact Carl Jung’s ghost and ask why. Out of every strange dream I’ve had, out of every person I’ve ever dreamt about in my life, why him this many times? I’ve never even dreamt about a consistent theme this many times in the span of two weeks let alone a singular person.
This morning something happened in my dreams that hasn’t happened before. He wasn’t there, and I could feel the absence of his presence in my sleep. My dream self felt like he was missing. I don’t even remember what I was doing in the dream or where I was but I felt the empty space he was supposed to be taking up. It’s the weirdest thing. We aren’t very close in real life, we don’t hang out outside of work, and the only thing new to me about any of this is the amount of times in which this is happening and being able to feel him gone in my sleep. All of this is starting to make me uncomfortable in a way I haven’t felt about a dream or set of dreams in a really long time and I’m the type to experience hypnagogic hallucinations.