I first took propranolol when I was 18. I remember how calm and at ease it made me feel, it was like a weight I didn’t even fully understand had been lifted. But my parents were strongly against it, and I had to stop.
Life went on, and I learned to cope in other ways, but that feeling of ease stayed in the back of my mind all these years. Now I’m 50, and I’ve started taking it again. The difference is just as clear as I remember.
What’s been hard, though, is the sense of regret. I keep thinking about all those years in between, how different things might have been if I had continued. It feels like I missed out on a version of life that could have been calmer, lighter.
At the same time, I know I made the best decisions I could under the circumstances back then. Still, it’s strange to reconnect with something that helps so much, and to realize how long I went without it.