Should I cut contact with my ENTIRE family?
(18f) For context, I grew up with two horrible parents. Most of their abuse was emotional manipulation, constantly pitting my brother and I against each other, as well as making the other parent out to be awful. They were both right about each other, but I was being told about the financial state of our family from the age of about five. Not just “I’m sorry sweetie we can’t afford this” it was more like “sorry we don’t have anything other than cereal and water, daddy put us in debt because he won’t get a better job and is running up our credit cards, so talk to him about it”
Both of my parents are the most selfish people I have ever met and have genuinely sucked the life out of me. I immediately got a job when I was 16 to save and move out of my moms hoarding house (which genuinely is unfit to live in for ANYONE), and I eventually moved out with my boyfriend and 5 other people. Despite the absolute drama that the five roommates caused, it has been NOTHING compared to a day in my mother’s house. They taught me nothing useful and my mom fed superstitious lies to me and made me feel disgusting for normal behavior. Her and my dads family are ALL just like my parents as well, and they feed off of any drama or anything “out of the ordinary” I bring to the table (ex, green nail polish when I was like 13)
The best example of her abuse in recent times was right before my 18th birthday. My mom is a flight attendant and had a layover in Maui, she invited me to go and made it clear she wanted to spend some time just the two of us. I liked this idea and was hopeful the time together would rekindle our relationship. It did not. I get in the car and my 15 year old brother is there she told me she felt bad leaving him. It was fine but I was a little disappointed she didn’t want time just the two of us. We finally get to Maui and it’s the worst tropical storm the island has seen since the 70s. Power is out everywhere, roads are flooded, building destroyed. We get stuck there for about 4 days with no electricity, we lose our hotel for a day, and no where to go. When it’s time to leave my mom makes us get up to catch this bus to the airport to “maybe” get a ride out of here through an “upgraded” standby ticket. She tells us we’ll get on this bus at 5:15, but that my brother and I have to wait until everyone else including her gets on (tbf it was provided for the flight attendants, but keep in mind if my brother and I don’t make this flight, all hotels are full and we were minors with no way to safely survive stranded like this, and I have work in like two days) she takes the last seat and basically tells us good luck, she’ll “try to get us a Lyft” we eventually have our driver get us after about an hour waiting in the pouring down rain just for my mom to take the LAST SEAT ON THE PLANE TOO. She told us “she couldn’t miss work”so we’d have to just wait until a flight was missing two passengers” like bro. We eventually make it out because I, a 17 year old girl stranded 4000 miles away from home had to take the initiative to explain to the gate agents that my brother and I were practically abandoned, all while saving my mothers face because this company is about to be my ride home. All of that and she STILL manipulates the story so she sounds like a poor mom who had a little mishap.
It has been this way my WHOLE LIFE.
As for my father, he is practically an age regressing man with severe PTSD and I have had to legitimately parent him my whole life. He was hardly home and when he was it was clear I was not the favorite.
TW!!!
I also believe he either assaulted me as a child and I totally blocked it out, or he at the very least tried to, but never got the chance.
He did demand that I let him watch me bathe as an 11 year old so I didn’t bathe until he was asleep (my mom was out of town), he watched me change on the side of the road in the family minivan from the outside before my mom stopped him, and constantly made vulgar comments that were very subtle.
The rest of my family has always legitimately disliked me whether it was for my political views, way I dressed, or how I didn’t fit in to their standard and I can’t stand it. If I cut of either or both of my parents, there’s no point in talking to any of my family ever again.
I have had no financial, educational, or emotional help from my family, and when I get close to them helping me they throw it in my face when I don’t bend to their will and agree with them on everything. Since I was 15 I dropped out of high school, found a way to get my diploma through a fast track program that my teenage friends drove me to, got a job to afford food, and all of my needs while my brother was automatically provided for my teenage friends and bf would also drive me to, moved out, had roommates and my bf drive me to work everyday bc I can’t afford a car, and wasn’t able to get my license bc I had no car to take it with and no parents in town to take me so I had to wait until I was 18 anyway (license is in the works my friend is gonna let me take it with his car) worked my ASS off to get on student film sets to be close to achieving my dream of working in film.
I don’t know what to do. My family doesn’t even seem safe anymore now that I know what safe is. I’d love to have relationships with them but why? Why do I want to subject myself to this? Please help me decide how to go about this I am begging for a reality check.
Also, I will mention I have a wonderful boyfriend and their family legitimately has been the kindest to me. I’ve never experienced real love until they showed me what it was like. So I’m wondering if my manipulative family is such a loss.