u/Nevss_again

I LOVE music, all kinds of music. I listen to various playlists daily while doing all sorts of things, but suddenly, listening to music has been giving me anxiety?

Every time I listen to something, I get that feeling of shortness of breath, emptiness in my stomach, I start to stutter and think about bad things. Even though I'm hyper-aware of my thoughts, music usually muffled them; I used it as a way to calm myself, but now it's not working, in fact, it's "triggering" these thoughts?

I just (like, yesterday) came out of a HORRIBLE period of anxiety where I didn't even have time to listen to music, and now that I can do that and read a book without worrying about anything, this has started. Could it be because of these recent events? I don't know, I just find it strange that music isn't helping me.

I'm obsessed with the idea that medication will solve my whole life. Yes, I know it's not like that, but I want to know more!

Do medications really work? What if they don't? Do they have many negative side effects? Is it worth taking the medication even with these effects? Do thoughts become silent? Are medications permanent? Can you handle trigger situations without any problems while taking medication? Will I finally be able to take a test, give a presentation, order something at the supermarket? Do medications have a taste? Do you still have anxiety attacks? What exactly do they do?

Is it worth going through the whole diagnostic and discovery process? Should I ask for help? Is it better to solve everything alone? Should I give up?

Sorry, things suddenly got dark.

The difficult period I was going through is over, but I don't know, it's going to start again in two weeks and... I'm tired.

I just wanted to give up. To live on autopilot until it's all over. Thank God I don't know how to dissociate, otherwise society would have lost me a long time ago. Thank God I have a large family and a small house, otherwise I would have tried bad coping methods a long time ago.

Sometimes I get so tired... I'm tired of being tired. I wouldn't have to be tired if I didn't have anxiety. I wouldn't have anxiety if I were dead.

Don't worry, I don't have suicidal thoughts, it's just that sometimes I get tired and my emotions intensify 100 times more, and that makes me even more tired. I still eat two meals a day, shower, and sleep (too much), I even play volleyball and take dance classes. I did well on my exams, but at what cost? How many anxiety attacks have I had in just 2 weeks?

I think I'm tired.