u/Never_WINNING_12

31M here. My ex (33F) and I broke up on February 20 after I found out she had been cyber cheating on me. We were together for 4.5 years. I was willing to try to repair the relationship, but she said she didn’t have the capacity for it, so I left.

What’s confusing me is how drastically she changed emotionally. The day we broke up she was warm, emotional, loving, crying, etc. Then literally a week later when we talked on the phone she was cold, distant, detached, and honestly selfish. During that call she said something that really stuck with me: “I don’t have the capacity now, and I don’t know if I want to bring it with me to the new city.” That hurt badly because it made me feel like I was just part of her old life she wanted to leave behind.

A week after that she texted me saying she was trying to respect a boundary but wanted to know how I was doing. I ignored it for about 2 weeks. Then after my friend contacted her about getting the last of my stuff, she texted asking if we were in no contact. I responded: “Right now I need space to process and reflect.” That was around 50 days ago and we haven’t spoken since.

Since then, both of us have moved to different cities that are still relatively close to each other. She moved first and has been in her new place about a month now.

I’ve actually been doing okay overall. Therapy, new apartment, meeting people, getting out more, etc. But I still think about her every day and part of me wants to reach out. At the same time, I’m scared of who I’d even be talking to now — the person I loved for years, or the version of her that was okay lying to me and emotionally checking out while I was still fully invested.

I genuinely can’t tell if:
- she stopped reaching out because I asked for space,
- she’s waiting for me to open the door,
- or she’s simply moved on and enjoying her new life.

From an outside perspective, does it sound like the ball is in my court to reopen communication, or hers?