u/Neurotic_and_Divine

▲ 175 r/cfs

I used to be so intelligent, so full of potential... This disease has stolen everything from me

I tested at a master's degree level equivalent of knowledge for English comprehension when I was in my second year of high school.

I was an avid writer, reader, and music lover.

I had dreams to be somebody, to do something that mattered.

That all ended when I got COVID at age 20.

I'm almost 24 now, living with the abusive parent I swore I would never so much as talk to again.

I spend my days in bed, researching any kind of treatment or supplement that could give me any level of cognitive functioning back.

I can quite literally tell that I have become so much less intelligent. I can feel it. I can feel what I lost. I feel like I am reaching into darkness where once there was something tangible. Like trying to recall a memory you know is there but nothing is coming to mind.

My life and my future was stolen.

It's gone, and I cannot accept that it will never be back, at least not the way that it was.

I used to be somebody. I used to have potential.

Now I live in bed, miserable.

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u/Neurotic_and_Divine — 1 day ago

He would have been six years old today... Happy birthday, Gus.

Taken much, much too soon. My baby boy, lovingly called Goose. He was a mini lop rabbit, and my best friend.

Binky free, Gustavo.

5/13/2020-1/7/2026

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u/Neurotic_and_Divine — 1 day ago

Anyone find a good method for storing pills? (What's leftover after filling your planner)

Not talking about daily meds/med planners, but the bottles or what is left in them after filling your planner.

I take a bunch of prescription meds + supplements, and storing them is getting out of hand, especially because some bottles are bigger than others.

Any advice?

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u/Neurotic_and_Divine — 5 days ago
▲ 80 r/cfs

How I am currently surviving as a severely moderate individual with minimal outside help (NSFW flair to spoiler images, but everything is SFW)

Marked NSFW because my room is red/a lot to take in visually.

  1. Bed buckets: One soft fabric storage cube for food (and honestly sometimes clutter), one hard plastic storage cubby for "this doesn't belong in bed but I do not have the spoons to put it where it does belong", and one soft storage caddy for nutritional shakes + as needed sleepy medications. I just used what I already had for storage bins, thus it isn't aesthetically pleasing.
  2. Bed backpack: I keep a medium sized backpack in bed, basically for all of my self-care so I can do it in bed/without standing. It contains the following:
    • Body wipes
    • Face wipes
    • Skincare items (in a makeup bag)
    • Toothbrush + toothpaste (I brush my teeth in bed, then spit into my trashcan next to bed)
    • 2 week's worth of med planners
    • Hairbrush
    • Deoderant
  3. Bed desk + PC: I bought an over-bed hospital table, a clamp-style monitor arm, and a long ass HDMI cable as well as one really long extension cord. This allowed me to use my desktop in bed, which is where I spend 99% of my time. Biggest quality of life upgrade I could ever recommend, costed me like $80 for initial setup. Eventually added mini upgrades such as a clamp fan, and a clamp extension cord desk thingy so I can directly plug in phone chargers etc on my desk.
  4. Spinning organizer on bed-side table: HUGE help. In it I keep the following:
    • Hair ties
    • Fan remote control, AC remote control
    • Spray leave-in conditioner (so I don't have to attempt conditioning my hair in the shower but can still get the benefits of conditioner)
    • Cream leave-in conditioner (if I really need some extra conditioner)
    • Cat grooming brush
    • Nail grooming kit/a mini kit of nail clippers, nail files, tweezers, etc.
    • Hand lotion + eczema lotion
    • Candles on top to weigh it down/make it more sturdy.
  5. Bed side table with actual drawers: In it I keep:
    • Bucket with my cat's inhaler setup/treats
    • Charger cables
    • Makeup for the rare days I have spoons for it
    • Cleaning supplies in second drawer
    • Misc/random stuff in third (I organize it based on which items I use the most. High usage gets priority for top drawer).
  6. Pegboard wall storage organizers: I have one kit divided into two spaces. One is next to my bed where my buckets are, one is next to my bed where my spinning organizer is.
    • The one directly next to where I sit has high-use items as well - headphones, toilet paper I use as tissues, and sentimental items on one small shelf. I hang my mini trash can here, and always put a bag in since I brush my teeth in bed and spit in the can. Hanging the trash can means I have space below it, which I use for a gallon water jug and my medicine box.
    • Second pegboard has my facial mirror, a shelf with tongue scrapers and flossers.
  7. Not pictured/laundry system: I have a laundry bin that I keep clean clothes in, and a laundry bag that I keep dirty clothing in. The bag makes it way easier to carry laundry to and from the washing machine, though I get help for switching it to the dryer. I keep both bag + bin in the bathroom closet, so when I go to pee first thing in the morning, I can change clothing while sitting. I tried for so many months to keep up with an actual dresser/hanging clothes and all that, it just takes too many spoons. Laundry is hard enough.
  8. Not pictured/mini kitchen setup: I have a mini fridge and microwave that I am moving into my room, currently across the hall. If I didn't have this literally a short walk away, I wouldn't be eating solids at all.

I get help with vacuuming my room, switching my laundry over, doing cat litter, and cleaning the shower. Everything else, I do. I have two cats, one of which is asthmatic and needs inhalers twice daily. I wear a cheap health watch (Samsung Fit3) and sit down if my HR gets around 115-120.

I live with family, and receive SSI/SSDI due to psych co-morbidities. They do take me to the rare in-person doctor's appointment, or my annual vet visits for my cats.

All groceries are delivered to my door/I have Walmart+. If you qualify for SNAP or Medicaid, you can get Walmart+ for half off, which gives free delivery. Same thing with Amazon Prime. I hate these businesses, but I am too sick to use a different service.

I get my meds delivered via ExpressScripts (only place I know of that will deliver all schedules of controlled medications), and if I need something short-term I have family pick it up from the pharmacy.

I have Medicare due to being on disability for 3+ years, and am currently fighting for Medicaid. My state does cover my Medicare co-pays, though. I do all healthcare via telehealth, and go in-person only for tests.

Let me know if you have any questions or want advice on a particular thing. Hoping this helps someone! <3

u/Neurotic_and_Divine — 6 days ago
▲ 3 r/cfs

TL;DR: I have a telehealth appointment coming up with a new PCP, and I am looking for advice on attempting to get a formal diagnosis/treatment.

I am 100% certain this is ME/CFS, I have had extensive bloodwork + an ECG done, but either way - I experience fullblown and documented PEM and have since a COVID infection back in 2022.

I am only seeking a diagnosis because I am having trouble qualifying for a state-based program to get a caregiver/in-home aide, and having my family take on that role has been horrible.

I am only wanting to establish care so I can get provider oversight on how possible OTC treatments would interact with my current psych meds/I want a medical professional to give me the okay on treatments and hopefully try out LDN.

My biggest issue is that I am moderate, leaving the house puts me in PEM, and I have diagnosed agoraphobia - leaving the house is basically reserved for emergencies. I am trying to do this via telehealth, and so far have been met with dismissal.

I have an appointment at the end of the month with a new PCP from a new telehealth-based practice, and I want to prepare as best I can for it.

Any advice?

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u/Neurotic_and_Divine — 7 days ago
▲ 36 r/POTS

Hey all,

My HR is normally in the 100-110s while sitting upright, 140+ while standing, and 80s while fully horizontal/laying down. I mostly see people talking about how their symptoms are really bad once standing, but haven't seen anyone say their symptoms are still present while sitting upright.

Anyone else only feel better when fully laying down/fully horizontal?

Additional, yet optional, context:

I am in the diagnostic process for POTS + ME. While I meet criteria for both, I do not have a formal diagnosis. My working diagnosis for POTS is based on orthostatic vitals taken repeatedly at home, as well as my general symptom list which seemingly improves with extra salt intake as well as having electrolyte drinks.

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u/Neurotic_and_Divine — 11 days ago