u/Netnieva

I am a catechumen who attends a parish of the Moscow Patriarchate and I love participating in the Divine Liturgy. My priest is a funny guy and makes a lot of jokes, but my autism makes interaction difficult. The only conversation I've had with him was last Sunday about my feeling of "not belonging in the world." During that day I felt very good and truly centered in my faith; I was genuinely convinced that things were going to change, and I even rejected things that I would have accepted before. But then, I fell.

I have a feeling of lack of faith that haunts me, and I'm very afraid of doing things that would anger God. I really want to have strong faith and all that, but I just don't feel anything. My prayers are rather dry (despite strictly following the prayer book), I don't have my chotki so I barely pray the Jesus Prayer. I don't know what I should do, I don't have a close relationship with my priest and I don't know how to build that.