The Commute
I appreciate the little moments in life. The small parts of each day that act as a breath, a repreive from the moments that require thought and action. I don't resent when these small repreives end, but being a man with a full house, and a demanding job forces you too never take these moments for granted. For me, these moments occur on my commute to and from work. I savor it the same way I savor my morning coffee. Hell, I even get up earlier than necessary so I dont have to feel rushed. I believe it to be a great sin to be rushed in these times. I use it as a sort of meditation, I reach that point of zen then suddenly I'm at work. I had no idea, how much I would come to dread it.
My mornings have always been the same since I was in my 20's. Up at 4:50am, make my morning breakfast and coffee, pack my lunch, and be out the door by 5:45. My commute takes about 30 minutes to get to the office. It's the same commute I've taken for the last 14 years. picked through trial and error as my favorite way to go. It had limited stops, and was fairly scenic. By far my favorite stretch went past a well maintained local park. It had a small pond, and a nice looking trail that went into the local woods.It was very pleasant looking. And noone else knew about it. Even at rush hour noone ever came down this little side road. Never even saw anyone in the park. Until I saw her.
I was enjoying my commute as unsual, coffee in hand as I let my mind wander. When I saw her, white and red sundress, long blonde hair pulled up into a high ponytail staring out into the mirror-like pond. She stood out, especially at 6am standing in a park that I had never seen a single soul in before, not even on my way home. Im a married man, but I caught myself staring. Only for a second, but long enough for me to get embarrassed and turn my attention back to the road. I scolded myself for being an old pervert and chuckled as I went about my day as usual. I was surprised to see that she was still there on my commute home. I didn't stare this time, partly as a form of self control, but mostly because she was now staring intensly out into the road.
On the next day, she was there again. Still standing near the pond. I again did not stare, she was still looking im my direction. I wondered why this isolated part of my commute had suddenly changed. I found myself wondering who she was, did she really like the park? Maybe she used to play here as a kid? I chalked her continued presence down as just a new addition to my commute. Another beautiful bit of scenery that I could occasionally catch. I wasn't gonna complain about it. I was a bit concerned about her though. It sundress wasn't exactly weather appropriate for this time of year. It was only spring on the calendar, frost still clung the the leaves some mornings. Even on one especially chilly day she was still there. So, I atopped my car. I pulled over to the side and lowered my window, "are you ok ma'am?" I asked. I waited for a response, but, nothing.it was dark but, I could see she was looking in my direction but she didn't move an inch, didn't respond in any way. After a few moments I decided to leave, I know when a woman ignores you, you shouldn't bother them. So I did, and for the next few days she once again became just part of the scenery of my commute.
I got used to the strange womans presence for a while. I didn't know whether she was homeless, or maybe just mentally disturbed. But she wasn't hurting anyone, so i left it.I think a week had passed before I noticed. I had taken to hardly even glancing at her. I would just zone out and drive automatically. Then one day, I could see her from the corner of my eye. I'll fess up and say it startled me. I shouted "shit!" And swerved for a split second before I regained my composure and called myself a fool. As I passed I looked in my rearview, and saw she was standing about 10 feet from the side of the road. Usually I had to turn my head to look at her so the sudden change in my usually unchanging commute had stress tested my poor old heart. I felt uneasy as she disappeared from view as I made my turn. She had still been staring straight out into the road.
My peaceful, relaxing, breaths of air that I had always enjoyed, now just left me uneasy. On my way home that day, she was still there. Standing beside the road staring straight forward. I lowered my eyes and sped up as I passed, shivering as I passed her line of sight. I didn't look in my rearview this time, but from the corner of my eye I could still see that she was staring straight into the road. I decided that this woman was obviously insane, what other explanation could there be for this weird behaviour? That night I had a dream, I was driving on an endless road, surrounded by darkness, figures stood inside that darkness. I couldn't see them but I knew they were there. I kept driving as tears poured down my face, I wanted to stop but my foot was made of lead, I couldn't brake, I couldn't change course. Suddenly twin lights appeared before me, by the time I realized it was another car, my face was splattered on the windshield, mirroring the occupant of the oncoming car. I woke with a scream, the image of her with her blond hair and ruined face seared into my mind.
I couldn't go back to sleep, I had never gotten a clear look at the womans face before. She had always been too far away or turned around like her first sighting. I swear I could draw her now, every detail. From her strawberry lipstick, her ladybug earrings, her sapphire eyes as they split from the impact, her brain matter leaking from her split open skull. The image would not leave me, it stained my mind, tattooed it's image unto my consciousness. I called in sick that day, the first time in 8 years. The next day I decided I would go, but I would take a different route. One that didn't involve driving past some insane statue woman. Even then I hesitated. I wasn't in my car until 6:01, I mourned the loss of my peaceful time of contemplation, it was like meditation for me. I dreaded fighting through the traffic but not as much as seeing that woman. I drove the opposite way as usual, I grimaced seeing other cars, it's hard to relax while wondering if the people around you have brains while they cut you off. Somehow though, I was able to zone out, I reached my place of zen with great difficulty but I was elated that I could still reach it. This feeling was short lived, as I made my turn and saw the familiar park, with the familiar pond, and trail, and the woman standing on the curb, just 2' away from my car. I screamed and slammed the brakes, how had I ended up here? Its impossible. I lowered the window and screamed at the woman. I didn't scream in words but in an almost animalistic howl. The howls turned to whimpers though, as I saw the womans face up close for the first time. She was beautiful, silky golden hair, cute white and red sundress, ladybug earings, and tears of terror streaming down her face.
She was still, unnaturally still. Even the tear drops were frozen halfway off her face. It was like seeing some still from some obscene horror film, moments before the character meets some horrific end by some unseen evil. She looked terrified. I slammed my foot on the gas and took off, I decided that I would just go home, I can't do it. I will bus, walk 3hrs to work, move, anything to avoid this woman, this cursed park. I rounded the corner with a screech, tires smoking, engine roaring, desperation adding weight to the accelerator. I cried out as I rounded the corner to see the same park, the same woman, closer now, one step into the road. I moved over as much as I could, I kept driving, I can't stop, I won't. Screech! Turn she is closer, screech! Turn, she is closer. I clipped her arm but she didn't react, her sundress blowing violently from my passing. Madness took over, maybe if she was dead this would end? Screech! Turn, she is standing in the middle of the road, staring at me, crying. I don't stop. Crash, splat, the last thing I see, is the same image that still stains my mind, as all goes to black.
I could see nothing, feel nothing. I lay motionless within this nothingness, waiting for, something, anything, to happen. Time seems to dissolve as I try to peace events together, trying to make sense of this new reality. Then with no warning, I find myself on my feet, sensations and sounds return to me. I find myself staring into a lifeless pond, I stare deeply into its depths, as I find I have no choice. I can't move, not even my eyes. I worry as I think this is my new fate, until I gear the sound of a car driving behind me. I desperately try to scream for help, but my lips wont part, my tongue won't obey my orders. As they pass I dread to be left alone again, when suddenly with great violence I am turned around facing the road. I watch as a car passes, I wish they would hear my mind scream for help but they keep driving. I am ripped forward as another car passes. Helplessly I watch as it drives past, then again, and again. I begin to cry, as I get close enough to notice her long golden hair blowing behind her from her open window.