u/NarcHealingWithGod

"Get Out" is one of my favorite movies and I recently figured out why. In my opinion, the main actor, Daniel Kaluuya portrays what "cognitive dissonance" looks like perfectly.

This is also Jordan Peele's (Key & Peele, "Gaslighting Megan") first directorial movie which also won an Academy Award for "best screenplay" in 2017.

Warning- This movie is disturbing and NOT recommended for children or sensitive viewers.

https://reddit.com/link/1tc6m8h/video/ayx1flcewx0h1/player

https://preview.redd.it/phs0cb0qlx0h1.png?width=438&format=png&auto=webp&s=4280c36a45398177bef8cbdbc4390be6611610f7

I’m almost a year out of my narcissistic abusive marriage, and I’m realizing that rebuilding trust is one of the hardest parts of healing.

I know people are human...they’ll fail me and I’ll fail them... but my nervous system still scans for threats even when someone seems trustworthy.

Sometimes the smallest glimpse of someone’s humanity makes my walls go up fast, especially if it reminds me of something from my past.

I’m not hopeless, and know it will get easier, just being honest. This part is hard.

If anyone else can relate, I’d love to hear how you navigated it.

I’m almost a year out of my narcissistic abusive marriage, and I’m realizing that rebuilding trust is one of the hardest parts of healing.

I know people are human...they’ll fail me and I’ll fail them... but my nervous system still scans for threats even when someone seems trustworthy.

Sometimes the smallest glimpse of someone’s humanity makes my walls go up fast, especially if it reminds me of something from my past.

I trust God fully, but learning how to trust people again is a different kind of work. I’m not hopeless, and know it will get easier, just being honest. This part is hard.

If anyone else can relate, I’d love to hear how you navigated it.

I have been separated from my stbxw for almost a year (divorce almost final). I have blocked all of her family members from my phone contacts and have had no contact with any of them since July 2025. Two days ago my ex father-in-law tried contacting me through Google Meet. I didn't answer and assumed it was just a mistaken butt-dial. But then he attempted again as a video call and I rejected the call and blocked him from that account as well (never considered Google Meet until then). I documented the incident and was advised not to ask my stbxw about it, so I haven't. I have been consistently winning in the legal aspects of our marriage dissolution. I've effectively blocked all "flying monkeys" for close to a year now and am just wondering what this was about as I'm trying not to be unnecessarily hypervigilant? Anyone with similar experiences or insight?

"Fearful Avoidant Attachment" and "Covert Narcissism" can look identical from the outside. However, there are key differences.

https://reddit.com/link/1t5h55t/video/bi5ky9j1ijzg1/player

Key Differences: Fearful Avoidant Attachment vs. Covert Narcissism

While the traits of a fearful avoidant (FA) and a covert narcissist can appear remarkably similar on the surface—particularly regarding the push-pull dynamic and emotional withdrawal—their underlying motivations and behaviors differ significantly:

Fearful Avoidant Attachment: Vulnerability stems from deep-seated, unhealed childhood wounds of abandonment or trauma.

Covert Narcissist: Vulnerability is weaponized as a "victim" persona to draw in sympathy and avoid taking responsibility.

Core Motivation-

Fearful Avoidant Attachment: Driven by a conflict between a deep desire for intimacy and a profound fear of rejection or engulfment.

Covert Narcissist: Driven by a need for validation, control, and external self-esteem regulation (narcissistic supply).

Empathy & Accountability-

Fearful Avoidant Attachment: Capable of genuine empathy and accountability, though conflict may cause them to temporarily shut down or withdraw.

Covert Narcissist: Lacks genuine empathy; may feign it but ultimately uses gaslighting, projection, and blame-shifting to protect their ego.

Manipulative Tactics-

Fearful Avoidant Attachment: May exhibit protest behaviors (e.g., distancing or silence) due to emotional dysregulation, rather than malicious exploitation.

Covert Narcissist: Uses covert manipulation like playing the victim, guilt-tripping, and passive-aggressiveness to maintain control.

Response to Therapy-

Fearful Avoidant Attachment: Responsive to therapy, secure attachment modeling, and personal self-awareness.

Covert Narcissist: Highly resistant to genuine change or admitting faults; therapy is often used to manipulate or learn therapeutic jargon.

Vulnerability-

Fearful Avoidant Attachment: Vulnerability stems from deep-seated, unhealed childhood wounds of abandonment or trauma.

Covert Narcissist: Vulnerability is weaponized as a "victim" persona to draw in sympathy and avoid taking responsibility.

Please... don't chase, beg, or convince the narc to stay. If they threaten to leave, let them go. You deserve better 💪

https://reddit.com/link/1t4l1zo/video/l6fs691rlczg1/player