I am ruining my moms life
For context I was diagnosed at 18 and I’m almost turning 20 (F), still living at home.
I feel like bipolar hasn’t only ruined my life, but also my moms. She lives in constant fear and agony because of me, let me explain. My mom comes from a family where there are a lot of people with bipolar. Once I got my diagnosis she felt extremely guilty and is constantly looking out for me. She has been my biggest support all my life and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but it has gone too far.
I am always communicating with her when I feel like I’m becoming either depressed or manic. I always tell my mom when I’m going to bed, at what time I will wake up, what my plans are and we have a planner for me so my mom can look what I have to do each day and what things are important for me. This works really well to keep my life structured but lately I’ve been in a depressive episode.
Here comes the troubling part, when I’m in bed for maybe half an hour longer, or I’m home later then planned, and I haven’t contacted her yet, she becomes extremely worried. My phone is old and has a bad battery, so I can’t always contact her on time. She will then call our neighbors to have them check in on me, or she calls my grandfather and in the worst case she will call the police. Once I contact her back she is always crying or already on her way home because she fears I have taken my life. I always reassure her that I’m completely open with her and that I have no intention of harming myself, but this doesn’t seem to help her at all. She now insists on working completely from home so that I am never home alone, i feel like this just isn’t healthy at all.
She is missing out on the joy in her life because she is constantly worried about mine. How can I help her become more relaxed ? How can I make sure she doesn’t call the police every time I’m not strictly following our schedule? I don’t want her to live her life this way :(