I can’t stay present. I'm always chasing the next thing and still feeling empty
I (F30) been feeling this constant sense of meaninglessness and it’s making me feel depressed, low energy, and kind of flat. Every day feels the same: work, gym, home, sleep.
I’m always searching for things that will make me feel excited or fulfilled. They work for a little while, and then I’m bored again and feel like I need something more.
Work is especially hard. But nothing is 'wrong'. I make decent money, my coworkers are fine. But I just feel so .. uninterested. I don’t even feel like talking most days, and it honestly confuses me how other people seem to be in a good mood at work. The only time I feel a boost is when I’m daydreaming about the weekend, a vacation, or some future event. But when those things actually happen, I still find myself thinking ahead to the NEXT thing. It’s like nothing fully satisfies me in the present moment.
I’ve tried changing things up (new job, new routines, etc) and I’ll feel amazing for a few months like I finally “figured it out,” but then it always fades back into this same flat feeling.
I also take Adderall XR (for the last 6 years, prescribed), and I’m starting to wonder if that’s affecting me. I felt some of this before meds but not this intensely. When the meds are active, I feel motivated and can enjoy things. When it wears off, everything feels dull again. It makes me question whether this is ADHD, depression, or something else.
I do try to have a life outside of work. I do art, reading, cooking, journaling, kickboxing, and I genuinely like those things. But they almost make work feel worse because I’m just thinking about being home doing them. Then when I finally am home, they don’t feel as exciting as I imagined, and I end up scrolling or doing other quick dopamine stuff instead.
Has anyone else felt like this? Is this depression, burnout, or more of a mindset issue? I’d really appreciate any thoughts or advice.