I'm a muay Thai fighter, been training for a couple of years now, and I've noticed that my footwork and head movement are really bad. I wanna get better at evading punches and taking angles so I was thinking of mix up boxing training in my routine, but I'm scared it will affect my muay thai stance and style negatively, and I might miss out on using my kicks and get weaker at it.
me ( f19) and my ex(m 20) are in the same gym. I have decided to move on from him, looking back he didn't care about me or love me, because he didn't even try for me, no conflict was between us and he broke up. we were on and off, and I got very attached to him, and I trusted him alot. between our first and second time of dating, or getting back together, he got with another girl.
he told me he was texting her and liked her when we were together. I didn't know that he was with another after our first breakup, he came to me and said all the lovey things, missing me, dreaming of me, that was in last November. then told me 3 days later that he already has a girl. that left me so traumatized, I can't put in words how destroyed I was, just everything. apparently he had still liked me, and he would do things here and there behind my back to support me, and he would check up on me through my friend.
we went back together in contact in last November and decided to start things from 0 to see where it would lead to, he seemed so gentle and right. and even at that time he was with that girl. (through my friend, he told her he wants to break up with her, she told him to give her a chance, and he decided to stay with her a bit longer for her sake, because he felt bad). remembering all of that hurts alot, my heart is breaking. at that time I was really so destroyed, the months passing and I was not okay. because I thought and held so tightly on the thought that I will end up with him, and I didn't let go, because he was my first real relationship, and I thought we were forever, and he felt the same for me, never expected him to cheat, to look for another, I thought really deeply he was different of all, of everything, i really did believe him so much, yet he turned out so different.
looking back, there are many things he didn't take seriously, he didn't take anything seriously enought, truly enough, I was the only one fighting, believing, trying, trusting, and he really just did things in spite of the moment, of convenience, for his satisfication. yet all I had for him were pure intentions. we didn't even last long int he relationship, first time 2 months, second time 2 weeks maybe, not even a month. I have had known him for 2 years, and we are in the same martial arts gym. I still see him, and I am better than before by a lot. 3 months has passed from breaking up with him, and I am moving on, enjoying my life and living it, I really planned forever with him, so me living my life like that, and deciding to move on really is hard. 2 weeks ago he texted me apologizing for everything, a long paragraph actually, didn't ask to get back together with me, and I replied with ok thanks. he pops up in my head whenever I have low self esteem moments, moments of distrust and disbelief in myself and who I am, I have decided to move on. yet it is like the attachment the connection not to him, rather due to how replaceable I felt, small and tiny, so it's like I don't want to get back with him, or miss him in that way, miss the familiarity, knowing that he likes me and I won't get back with him, if he doesn't look at me, I become worried having self doubt and all.
I am trying to heal myself from that, cutting the ties, because it is not him anymore, his last actions and what I had felt in that day, when I was with him, and now that I'm without him. even him forgetting about me completely puts me in a panic, thought of knowing or discovering that he is now dating another makes me really anxious and not okay. So RightNow I'm just fearing of what will happen to me if he gets a gf and I know that he does, scared of the panick I'll be put into, fearing of being forgotten and erased form his life holding no value to him in his mind no more. although, I know that these are all feeling and thoughts, but I kind of want to be heard and seen rightnow, I'm doing self work and been going to therapy.
for whoever is reading this, thank you for hearing me out<3