u/MotherofChaos1019

Then there’s Akasha…

aka: Sissy, Baby Girl, Sweet Pickle, Honey Buns, Sour Patch Kid, The Goodest Girl, Wolfie, Night Fury, “hey you,” “get over here,” “don’t eat that,” and “ugh why are you like this??!”

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Breed: 4.5 month old German Shepherd

Color: Black with a white chest star (“wolf’s mark”) and random little white hairs between her toes and on her chin (resembling a wise old man’s stubble) 🤷🏼‍♀️

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Now, you may ask…what else does she look like?

Honestly… depends on the attitude.

She can resemble:

•	a porcupine (don’t ask) 🦔

•	a wild boar (zoomies mode)🐗

•	a stomping/jumping goat🐐

•	a fox🦊

•	a baby calf with jello legs🐄

•	or one of those giant fruit bats with big sweet eyes 🦇 my little sky puppy 🤣

• a kangaroo (extra moody days)🦘

But above all else…

she is the spitting image of Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon (looks and attitude)

(hence the name Night Fury)

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Hobbies include (but are not limited to):

•	plotting total world domination🧠

•	running at full speed when she has something she absolutely should not have🚦🛑

•	stealing items directly from mom while she is actively using them

(broom, mop, dustpan, jeans, boots, toothbrush…nothing is sacred)🧹🪠🪣🪥🪑

•	terrorizing the entire household for no reason👹

•	side-eyeing people like she’s above them

•	dramatic sighing and eye rolling like a moody teenager🙄👩🏻‍🎤

•	biting things as she walks by just to “try it out”

(mom’s toes, legs, brother’s tail…whatever is available)🧛‍♂️

•	shredding paper products

(important documents? toilet paper? doesn’t matter…excellent choices)📈🧻

•	treasure hunting and proudly displaying her finds🏴‍☠️🗺️

•	decorating her brother’s dog house with stolen goods then blaming him for the theft 🛖

•	riding in the truck and pretending she’s some sort of cop or something….barking at jay walkers and anyone looking suspicious at a red light. 🚔🚨🚦

•	learning tricks (only because there are treats involved)🤹🏻🎬

•	getting in the shower with mom

(yes…actually in the shower)🚿

•	supervising mom at all times

dishes, laundry, existing…she is always watching

(mom is strange)👀🤔

•	harassing sweet old ladies and small children at the dollar store ( don’t know…bad vibes I guess) 😈💩

•	snuggling…briefly

(too embarrassing to enjoy for long)🥰

•	zoomies 🐗

•	destroying furniture 🛋️

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Dislikes:

•	being told “No”

(everyone brace yourselves…)🌪️🌪️🌪️

•	being pointed at

(pair this with “No” and just go ahead and plan your funeral)🫵🙅‍♀️=☠️☠️

•	brother existing

(deeply offensive to her)🤨⁉️

•	mailboxes📭

(story already posted)

•	sirens

(??? run??? don’t run??? chaos???)🚨

•	thunderstorms⛈️⚡️

(only because brother is scared, so she must also be scared)

•	when mom leaves the room🫨

•	when mom closes a door🫨

•	when mom does literally anything without her🫨🫨🫨

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Problem areas:

If she misses even one of her 37 daily naps…

she becomes an absolute hellhound.

The more she sleeps, the easier it is to keep her demons…contained.

Sharing?

No.

Jumping when mom comes back?

Also no control.

Whether I’ve been gone 30 seconds or 5 days, she reacts like:

“you were lost to the world and have risen from the grave”

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We have a thing called “pretty girl ears”

After a good nap, she wakes up with:

•	soft eyes

•	ears laid back

•	full Disney princess energy

…and immediately gives a million kisses.

Every nap = a new morning.

So naturally, I say:

•	good morning

•	good second morning

•	good third morning…

We’ve made it to about the 15th morning in one day before. As I’m writing this she just awoke again and it is currently “good 8th morning Baby Girl”

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If you’ve been following Akasha’s treasure hunt posts at all…

this should explain everything.🥴🐾🐾

Day 3… and I must inform everyone that Akasha has officially expanded her operation.

We are no longer dealing with just outdoor findings.

We now have…

indoor theft too. 😱

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Today’s outdoor discoveries include:

• another gas can nozzle

(this is like the 3rd or 4th one and we do NOT own that many gas cans… but gas ain’t cheap so if she knows of a stash of gas cans that happen to be full 🤔 then I will let this operation continue 🤷🏼‍♀️⛽️

• a drill bit set in a plastic case

nothing dangerous, but paired with everything else she’s found… I’m starting to think she’s building something…(as the mother of the demon herself, I am going to assume it’s something downright sinister…we shall see) 😳🧰🪚

• a roll of electrical tape 🔌

• some kind of canister to what I assume was once a vacuum

(rest in peace or pieces) 🤨

• the owner’s manual to a Bluetooth radio…

Bet you can’t guess what music she likes🤪🤘

• a solid chunk of a 2x4 🪵

• a Slim Jim wrapper

this one was a little hurtful to be honest … because I love slim Jim’s…I absolutely would’ve eaten that 😞💔

• and an entire strand of Christmas garland…

yes. in April.

she’s clearly decorating early and I respect the commitment…she’s nothing if not prepared. 🤷🏼‍♀️🎄

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And now… the part that concerns me most:

items that were INSIDE my home… and are no longer inside my home. 😤

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Indoor treasures that have since been relocated outdoors:

• an Avengers: Infinity War DVD

(I think she has a crush on Rocket… I get it, he’s a dreamy trash panda) 📀🦝

• the godforsaken dustpan

(at this point I would think something was wrong with her if she didn’t steal this at least once a day)

🧹

• her dad’s sneaker

(Ooooooohhh he was mad 😳🫣)

• my oven mitt 🧤

(I discovered this was missing when I needed to take dinner out of the oven…I quickly spotted it in her jaws of doom…

fought her for it.

I won.

I’m still bigger than her.

But her being the helpful helper that she is, added ventilation holes to my oven mitt, so my hands could breathe better:…..she sat in the shadows laughing while I found out (the hard way) just how spiteful she can be.

• Zeus’ leash 🦮

(he didn’t ask questions… he knows not to anymore…just accepted his fate)

• my hair clip 🎀…(it’s been missing for a long time so I have questions. )

• and my colander 🥣

(because apparently we’re cooking outside now)

• a plastic clothes hanger 🧺

( don’t ask…I really don’t have an answer)

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At this point I am no longer trying to understand.

I am simply documenting.

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Zeus attempted to inspect her pile of treasures today…

One look…one big sigh…and then immediately laid back down.

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I will continue to monitor and report back as the investigation unfolds.

Authorities have not yet been notified.

Mostly because I’m pretty sure she is the authority.

This is Zeus.

He’s a 5-year-old Pitbull/Mastiff mix weighing somewhere around 180–190 pounds.

He looks like the kind of dog you’d send to “handle business.” Iykyk 🤷🏼‍♀️

He will not, in fact, be handling anything that doesn’t involve cheese.

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In reality, he is a very sensitive boy.

His hobbies include:

sleeping,

more sleeping,

and following butterflies like he doesn’t have a single responsibility in life.

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He would absolutely protect me if something ever happened.

Unless that something is a spider.

Then it’s:

“good luck mom… I draw the line here… you’re on your own now.”

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He’s not the most athletic boy and isn’t great at catching things.

Balls, toys, treats… doesn’t matter.

It will hit him directly in the face every single time.

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But despite all of that…

he is the gentlest, sweetest soul you will ever meet.

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Especially when it comes to his little sister.

Who steals his toys, his treats, and most of his will to live.

And he just lets it happen.

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Every now and then he looks at me like:

“see how good I am, Mom… perhaps some cheese?”

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And honestly?

He is the peacemaker.

The heart of our whole family.

And truly…

the goodest boy.

I don’t know when it started.

I don’t know what the mailbox did.

But my 5 month old

Puppy Akasha has a personal vendetta against it.

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Every single day, without fail, she notices it.

Just sitting there.

Across the road.

Existing

With that smug look on its plastic face.

And a flag that taunts her

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Everyday is the same routine

It catches her eye as if she didn’t just see it yesterday

She is immediately offended with no real reason why

She freezes.

Stares.

That little head tilt like she’s trying to understand its motives.

And I can SEE the thought process:

“Why is it shaped like that.”

“Why does it open its mouth.”

“What does it want from me.”

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And although neither her or I speak “mailbox”

I believe that’s where the true issue lies

When the mailbox opens, its whole demeanor changes

Like it’s mocking her or antagonizing her with that jaw dropping look on its face.

And when it gives her that look

That’s it.

That’s all she needs.

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She puffs up like some kind of tiny black porcupine-wolf hybrid.

Full alert.

Tail stiff.

Ears forward.

Mean girl bark

She is READY to throw down

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I tried to calmly explain:

“It’s just the mail no reason to harbor such rage against it

Whew…Mistake.

Now she thinks it’s a government operation and I worry she will turn into the Jason Bourne of puppies soon

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So now it’s her daily duty and she takes her job very seriously

She patrols.

She Watches.

She Waits.

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And if that mailbox so much as breathes—

(if someone drives by…if the wind hits it…if it even thinks about opening)

She turns feral

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Barking.

Jumping.

Threatening.

Absolutely prepared to risk it all.

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Meanwhile Zeus is in the background like:

“I saw a butterfly earlier and I chose peace. Does anyone have any cheese”

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At one point she got close enough to it to investigate.

I held my breath.

She sniffed it…

backed up slowly…

and looked at me like:

“ i just don’t trust it and I don’t like the way it’s looking at me”

“I don’t trust it.”

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Honestly Girl….Same.

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At this point I’m not sure if she’s protecting me…

or if she’s planning something bigger and more calculated

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All I know is:

If that mailbox makes one wrong move…

it’s over.