Ruining my Marriage
Hi all,
42M here, second marriage to a 34F! It was love at first sight and we got married very quickly, within a year of being together.
Based on her appearance, I knew she had probably been with many men prior to me. Over the first few months of being together, I was contacted by several of her ex's, sending photos of her and things I should have never seen. I've also seen these same things on her iPhone and iPad. Her parents suggested she had a "wild past" but is really good now.
During all of this, I still chose her while letting her know what I've seen. It was often dismissed, downplayed, or avoided. I've even had to ask her to remove photos and videos from her devices of her past relationships or hookups. She never felt like it was that big of a deal to her and always suggested, "my past is my past and I don't care about yours".
Fast forward 7 months later, I used her phone last night and saw photos that were still not deleted. I feel pretty sick about it. I know a lot of people on here will suggest that I get over it. I would absolutely love to but I feel like I can't unsee some of these photos and videos. With that said, she still has some stuff on her phone that if it was the other way around, she'd be unhappy.
I've scheduled therapy with an LMFT this week. I can't stop ruminating and hyper focusing on it. Being honest, it makes me feel sick thinking about it. I appreciate any suggestions or anyone that has dealt with retroactive jealousy that may still be impacting their relationship.
Thanks all!