Tension with Lo
New to the sub.
I have had bouts of limerence since i was like 6. Very sad and debilitating.
I am 27 now. I recently got out of a 5 year relationship due to issues with my limerence. I cheated when I met someone at work who also had limerence with me and really wanted to strip my psyche (bit of a creep and manipulative as I actually couldn’t stand this LO at first until something clicked).
Only months after this blow up i started a grad program.
I met my current LO. He is a professor. Im not in his class anymore but we see each other at departmental events.
When we met i immediately knew to not engage because of everything i had just gone through. Plus of course he’s married with a kid. And of course my mind is like wow i admire you being a good husband and father…i want that (in more ways than one i suppose).
I intentionally avoided initiating any conversation. After some time i started to feel almost a sixth sense for him. When i am around him it is like my ears start listening really really hard for something like i am listening for a pin drop. Im on high alert and on edge.
Specifically when we are in the same room.
I do have suspicions he likes me as well and its as if we are like subtly watching each other out of the corner of our eyes or trying to pretend to not watch the other or avoid watching the other.
He always comes up to say hi and i pretty much shut him down and keep it super minimal. But i always feel like such a dick after.
Today we were in a big meeting and after i walked up to talk to someone he was talking to and he tried to wave at me and sort of gave up halfway through thinking i wasn’t paying attention to him but i was! Lol i feel like it demoralizes him and i worry he wont like me anymore if i keep shutting him down. But at this point i haven’t regularly seen him or talked beyond hello or a wave (sometimes he sees me with my friends when we break outside the front of the building and will catch my eye from inside and wave) so i am wondering why he lingers around waiting to wave or say hello? It confuses me and im afraid he is in limerence with me as well. Idk much about his situation but ik his life is stressful.
My two questions are:
Does ANYONE know what im talking about with the hearing thing. Its like crazy tension.
It would be so SO much easier if i could tell myself he doesn’t like me but im afraid he does and like 50% of my fantasies are just him fantasizing about me (totally not self obsessed wow we have reached meta limerence)
Thanks yall