u/Miserable_Airport_66

I (29M) am an openly gay man. I used to be close to a cousin (31M). We had a falling out a few years ago because he kept cheating on his relationships. I tried telling him to be faithful many times, but he never changed. I reached my breaking point around 2023 when he got infected with an STI, and I gave him an ultimatum to tell his boyfriend at the time so he could get tested too. This caused a huge fight between us, where we exchanged hurtful words. And the final nail in the coffin was that I ended up telling his bf at the time, since he didn't.

Recently, I found out that he told people what I shared with him in the past, something that very few people knew. An older cousin who used to babysit me when I was around five to six years old repeatedly molested me. While I was fine growing up, I started suffering from severe depression, self-harm, and suicidal ideation during my teenage years. I was struggling with my sexuality while also navigating the memory of that childhood trauma, so it was really hard for me. I really couldn't tell anyone at the time either, since I was afraid that people would think I wanted it because I was gay. I know it's stupid, and I don't think this way anymore hahaha

I managed to get back on my feet during COVID. My mental health improved significantly during quarantine, something that failed even through therapy in previous years. Over the next few years, I managed to share this experience with people I trust. Unfortunately, I shared it with this cousin.

Last year, my molester died from a motorcycle accident. Funnily enough, I didn't really feel anything when I heard the news. I wasn't sad, angry, or happy. I don't know. I just didn't care hahaha. Sometimes, it's kind of a very weird feeling, to be honest. For something that had so intensely affected me for a long time to become something I no longer care about felt like a weird shift lol hahaha.

Anyways, it was his first death anniversary a few days ago, and so people in the family GC on Messenger are paying him respects. My cousin thought it was a good idea to share my story in the GC. Maybe if he had stopped right there, I would have let it go. But he called me "choosy" and "maarte" (I don't know of a good translation, but he was essentially calling me dramatic) and even insinuated that I must have liked it since I'm gay.

Honestly, this wasn't the first time he said something malicious about me. When I dropped him in 2023, I was very close to my sibling, so I had a place to fall back on. On the other hand, other than me, the only people he was close to were my siblings. So I kind of understood that he had to make up a lie to kind of gain social standing with our relatives.

Anyways, I wasn't in the family GC, so I didn't know this was happening. I used to be part of it, but I left around 2019 because the GC is filled with toxic family drama, and my relatives would sometimes drop passive-aggressive and homophobic comments. Not really the best place to be when I'm not mentally and emotionally well. I only found out because my younger sister sent me screenshots of the exchange. She always does this whenever he sends something about me in the family GC.

Needless to say, I went ballistic. I asked my sister to add me to the GC. I tagged this cousin and basically sent this to the GC:

"Punyeta kang animal ka! You want to air out dirty secrets? How about you tell them na bakla ka din naman? How about you tell them we had a falling out because you keep on cheating on your boyfriends dahil di ka makuntento sa iisang titi? How about you tell your parents na pag wala sila sa bahay nyo, kung sino-sinong lalaki ang dinadala mo? Nag-threesome ka pa dyan di ba? And to insinuate that I liked that experience? PUTANGINA MO! Isa pang malutong na PUTANG-INA MO! You of all people should know what I've been through."

Rough Translation: Damn you, you animal! You want to air out dirty secrets? How about you tell them that you’re gay too? How about you tell them we had a falling out because you keep cheating on your boyfriends since you can’t be satisfied with just one dick? How about you tell your parents that when they’re not home, you bring different men into your house? You’ve even had threesomes there, right? And to insinuate that I liked that experience? Fuck you! Here’s another strong fuck you! You, of all people, should know what I’ve been through.

Then I sent photos of him with his exes, some of them kissing them, but mostly innocent pictures where you can understand the underlying body language. Then I sent a second message:

"You want to tell my story? Then let me tell yours. You are a cheating bastard who can't even go a single day without a dick stuck in your ass. You started a circus. Fucking enjoy being a clown. Putangina mo kang animal ka."

I left the chat after that.

Yesterday, he sent me a barrage of messages through his friend's account, cussing me out because his parents kicked him out. Honestly, I already knew that would happen since his parents are ultraconservative. That was exactly why, even at 31, he still hadn't come out of the closet until I did it for him. I just blocked him like his original account.

Now that I'm in a proper headspace, I think I might have gone way overboard. When I tried reading the screenshots again, I'm just laughing now because his messages sound so absurd and unhinged that any adult with an ounce of emotional intelligence would have figured out how stupid he sounded. So I'm starting to think maybe I should have just let it go, or at least handled it more maturely.

I mean, I did go to anger management therapy around 2023. While I was mentally stable after COVID, it’s not like my life suddenly became perfect hahaha. I still had a lot of issues I was working on. Basically, I have two modes when I’m extremely angry: either I explode like that, or just shut down completely and block everything out. It was toxic and hurting my relationships. I stopped going around 2024 because I felt like I was doing better. And therapy isn’t exactly free. It’s really expensive ion my country hahaha.

Whenever I’m angry or even just really upset, I tell people I love, “Hey, I need some space to process this. I don’t want to say things I don’t mean in the heat of the moment.” So I guess I was expecting myself to take a deep breath first and process my anger before addressing the issue lol. Not saying I should have communicated I need space first, but you know, I'm not part of that GC. I asked my sister to add me. I had all the time in the world to just take a breath and process before reacting hahaha.

On the other hand, my immediate family, except my parents, said that what I did was justified. Honestly, my younger sister, the one who sent me the screenshots, was already fighting him in the chat and cussing him out in all caps before she added me. Though I think they're a little too close to me to make an objective opinion lol hahaha.

So, AITAH for outing my cousin to our conservative family after he shared my deepest secret without my consent?