First page feedback
I've been working on a novel on and off for about 4 years... (one day I'll finish it 🤣) here's page 1. Let me know what you think!
Prologue: Run.
It was the disappearance of the town Alchemist that had shaken the village. Her once bustling shop was barren. No shimmering vials, no hustling customers. No pinging of the till and cheery “Thank you for coming”s. What was once a vibrant brightly painted pillar of the community was suddenly a war-torn remnant of what it once was. The “Aja’s Alchemy” sign had been torn clean off the building and lay half in the doorway and half on the pavement. The windows were smashed, glass shards scattered across the once pristine carpets. The oak bookshelf on the far side had also been cleared of its contents; Books launched across the room in an explosion of confetti. Coins and cash were also littered across the floor with a newly-broken till crash landed in the centre of the room. This was the first building they had ransacked and Aja was the first they found with an unregistered gift. Medina often found herself sitting there, amongst the chaos of the shop. Longing for the return of the last friendly face in the community- if you could even call it that.
She’d learned to ignore the graffiti on the wall- the horrid words “Rot-Breather” becoming numb to her- A common slur for those with breathbound gifts, she’d heard too many people shout it at Aja, seen it scrawled on walls too many times.
Across the pot-hole ridden road, in the small two-floored terraced maisonette, Medina ushered herself back in through the creaky front door, trying not to disturb her mother, and brushed through her short tousled hair, the brush missing several bristles and its wooden handle held together with tightened rags. Upon the dusty kitchen counter sat a lone plantpot, chipped and unpainted. Medina ran her finger gently over the small sprout that had started to grow out of it. “You are growing so well, young sprout” she said.
“Medina?” The croaky voice came from the body dragging itself down the stairs, “Is that you sweetheart?”. The skeletal figures' legs wobbled as she reached the bottom floor. She gazed upon her daughter with dark and sunken eyes. “Medina, my dear, please could you help me to the chair?”. Medina placed the brush delicately on the kitchen side table- a small and half-rotted table by the front door,, and she half-carried her mother to the tattered armchair in the centre of their small and empty living room. “Are you feeling a bit better today Mum?” Medina asked with a hopeful smile. She wiped the tears from her mother’s eyes. “Of course I’m feeling better, I’m with you aren’t I?”.
Skipping back to the kitchen, Medina held the small sprout in the plant pot up towards her mother. “My plant is growing and soon enough it will grow all the food and medicine we need to make you better. I swear it’s growing more and more everyday mum!”
Medina’s mum craned her neck to try and see it, unable to rotate enough for it to come into her view. “Ah Medina, you are destined to be something amazing, I know you’ll make that plant grow and you’ll be able to help as many people as your sister did.”
Medina’s smile melted off her face as she stared over at her sister’s alchemy shop through the window and placed the plant back on the kitchen counter. “It will mum, really it will.” She held the plant pot tight in her hands and shut her eyes. “Please,” she muttered. “Please grow. Please.”
Her mother’s eyes were urging themselves shut again- keeping them open was growing akin to weightlifting- but her eyes snapped open at the excited shriek of Medina’s voice. “Mum!” She heard Medina’s feet patter quickly behind her. “I made the plant grow.”