So basically for the past many years I've considered myself a femboy. That's the gender identity that I most allign with, and I want to present much more feminine or at the very least androgynous (I've only told some people that I'm NB but didn't want to get into specifics yet as the thought of them imagining my current body dressed fem makes me feel kinda gross. Not that theres anything "wrong" with men in dresses, but it's just not what I want to present as).
Recently I've been going back and forth on HRT. On the plus side many of the effects are exactly what I want (softer skin, fat redistribution, etc.), but the side effects are concerning for me. First of all I'm iffy on me getting boobs (I don't think I mind them, but I don't want huge boobs that could cause backpain or be completely impossible to hide if I need/want to appear more andro for something).
Another big concern for me is that I am overweight and I do have liver issues (fatty liver). Both of which I've read can be huge issues with fem HRT. I want to lose weight desperately, but I'm honestly so depressed along with having an eating disorder (ARFID) that I struggle to make any diets of anything last long term. Also I absolutely hate needles and the idea of having to get blood tests more often genuinely terrifies me...
I guess my last couple concerns are that I'm nervous to come out in general. Part of me wants to hide it from everyone as I have for many years, but I'll be 24 in a few months and I really hate myself for waiting as long as I have already. My 20's are supposed to be like the best time of my life, and I've already wasted half of it. Not to mention living in the united states and especially a red state...I shouldn't have to explain what it is I'm concerned about there... I have family members that I'm still dependent on that are very anti-trans. It pisses me off that I still care what they think, but I don't know how to not care about it (especially when I still need to keep in contact with them)