u/Mental_Driver_6134

I'm in a very weird situation. I'm tired of this thing and yet can't get myself out of it. I started dating this person last September. This was after my first breakup ever .my previous relationship was long distance for context and things just didn't work out but ended with respect from both sides.I was still recovering when I met this guy. This guy had broken up with his long term gf,and had multiple partners even before the long term relationship. I was partly aware of this and got into it platonically before things started getting on the other side. I was confused as hell as to what and why I was doing it when I was still not over my ex. The first few weeks of our dating were great. We soon started meeting almost everyday after work . A few weeks into this I discovered this person's other side, he has extreme anger issues ,where he would say the meanest thing you can imagine and so much that you'd actually be scared of him. After our first major fight, I should have left him,but I'd grown a bit attached and so I thought it was a one off thing. As you'd expect this turned into a pattern. He'd fight with me, often say that he doesn't want to see my face ever again ,but a few hours later would come back, acting as if nothing serious happened.

Today, being with him is like walking on eggshells. The sad part is that whenever he starts acting normal, I grow a soft spot for him, I seek his acceptance and validation,I fear his rejection while at the same time I know that his behaviour is that of a narcissist. My brain has gotten conditioned to this cycle so much that I always go back to him.

Now, it's not like he considers me his girlfriend,he makes me so everything that a gf would do and even More. But guess what, he's still not over his ex. I've spent many nights trying to tell him what to do to get over her and feel better when he was anxious at night, when it was there break up anniversary. Like a stupid, I've tried to be his therapist,his friend,his nobody.

In return I've gotten his entitlement. He just says that he's attached to me and feels a relief which was missing in his life after his breakup. In this process I've kinda let go of my ex from my head for the better and not to feel further guilt. But now I'm noones.Im just there for him to use to feel better.

His family is looking for arranged marriage options for him and I often see the biodata that he gets sent. It makes me feel like a stupid. I've destroyed my mental health and time for this person and in return I get this. I tell him to leave me for good but he says that life is too short,you never know how long you'll live. He denies wanting to get married but is actually looking to settle down and it fucking breaks me.

To see what I have made of myself in the last one year. Lost someone who genuinely valued me . I just can't understand why I couldn't stay single and figure out my life. Now I'm with someone who one day acts all nice to me and the other day acts like he'd kill me.

He's not even letting me go ,by everytime comming back into my life. Some days I cry and beg him to leave me alone and go settle down in life. I know it's all my fault but I'm just so tired of feeling unloved and nobody's choice now, just someone who's constantly used for someone else's temporary pleasures.

PS : don't come into my dms to discuss anything.