RJ, LDR . Did he not love me enough? M 26, F 25
I’m opening this thread again. If you have any thoughts, please share them with me—I feel stuck.
First of all, when I met my boyfriend, I was a virgin and had never even kissed anyone. He, on the other hand, has been with 15 people. This includes fuckbuddies and one-night stands, but he says he’s an emotional person, so he developed feelings on his side. I know that he has had sex in places like the shower, the beach, and a car, and knowing these things is what triggers my RJ the most. And after being intimate with him for the first time, I realized how amazing closeness can be. Knowing that he shared these beautiful moments with 15 other women—often in more passionate and exciting settings—makes it harder for me.
After that, I started to feel inadequate, because I don’t feel like I have any chance of being “good” at sex since I’m learning everything with him. I also started thinking that I wouldn’t be able to give him the kind of experiences he had before. Anyway, it’s the classic RJ.
We were in the same country for 2.5 months, and then I returned to my own country. We’ve been doing long distance for 2 months now. And I should also say this: during the first 2.5 months, I was doing better. I wasn’t overthinking this much.Our communication was good, and I shared my fears with him. We talked about how I feel inadequate and how I compare myself probably 15 times. We argued from time to time; he felt judged, and I apologized for that and said it wasn’t my intention. But we ended the relationship because I didn’t want us to hurt each other. He reached out to me again, and we started talking.
I told him that I just don’t know how people view those they once had emotional or physical connections with afterward. He reassured me; he said he knows words alone don’t mean much and that he would show me through his actions.
A week ago, while we were talking on the phone, he asked about someone I follow. I hadn’t met that person because my boyfriend didn’t want me to, and now we’re already in different countries anyway. After that question, I asked something I had always been curious about but never asked: whether he still follows anyone he has slept with before. He said he could remove them immediately, that they mean nothing, and that he doesn’t talk to them.
Unfortunately, now the scenarios in my head have faces. And when we were showing each other celebrities we liked before, the woman he showed me looked like his ex. The features he said he liked were his ex’s features. Now I’ve started comparing myself physically as well.
I’m aware of my lack of self-confidence, and maybe that’s the core issue—I don’t know, but I blame myself. At the same time, I’m also angry at him. I shared my feelings with him many times, and I can’t understand why he kept following people he could remove in a second. He said he had thought this might become an issue one day. But because of my fixation on his past, he didn’t want to take the risk of unfollowing them at the beginning of the relationship, before he was sure whether I saw a future with him.
I feel worthless. I feel like I’ve explained myself over and over again for nothing, and I’ve started wondering if he ever really loved me at all.
Please share your thoughts with me. If you’ve read this, thank you so much.