u/Mental-Basil-5086

I’ve been working as an underbar associate since October last year. I passed the Bar in January and took my oath in February.

Up to when am I realistically considered “new” in this profession? Because honestly, I’m still struggling. To this day, my drafts still get heavily overhauled to the point that it sometimes feels like I’m not learning at all. I also notice that the way I think and approach things is very different from the firm’s partners.

The nicer seniors reassure me that it’s okay and that I’m still new, but part of me feels like I can’t keep using that as an excuse when I’ve already been working for more than six months.

As much as I want to tell myself that I’ve only been a lawyer for less than a year, it still feels invalid because I already have six months of work up my sleeve.

I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. Any tips or advice from lawyers who went through the same thing?

Hey there, Reddit people.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about dating lately, and if I’m being honest, it hasn’t really worked out for me. Not because I haven’t tried, but because I don’t quite move the same way most people seem to these days, especially in the spaces we find ourselves in.

There’s this quiet dissonance I keep noticing. Like everyone is searching, but not really looking. Always open to the next, the better, the what else is out there.

Somewhere along the way, connection starts to feel less like something you arrive at, and more like something you constantly have to prove yourself worthy of.

I think about how it used to be easier to meet people when you were younger. When you were still in school and proximity did most of the work. You didn’t have to think too much about it. You just existed in the same spaces, and something either formed or it didn’t. I’m past that point now.

I have my own routines, my own pace. I have hobbies, but I don’t engage in them just to meet someone. I do them because I genuinely enjoy them. I don’t like the idea of forcing myself into spaces for the sake of dating. I would rather live my life as it is and let things happen in a way that feels natural. But at the same time, I recognize that this makes things quieter, more limited, so here I am.

For context, I work as a lawyer. It takes a lot of my time and energy, but it has also taught me how to be intentional with where I place both. Maybe that is why I struggle with how dating works now.

I’m not built for situationships, blurred lines, or connections that stay in that constant in-between.

When I say I’m intentional, I don’t mean forcing something to be serious right away. I mean choosing to get to know someone in the context of dating. Being clear that there is a direction, even if it is just the willingness to explore something real.

Because to me, if we are putting ourselves out into spaces like this, then it should at least be for that purpose. And if along the way you realize you are not aligned, then you let it go. I just don’t see the point of investing time and energy into something that was never meant to move forward.

I also know that I lean more traditional in this regard. I’m not into hook ups, and I’m not looking for anything open or undefined. What I want is something steady. Something stable. Something that feels safe because it is secure.

As for me, I’m 5’9, average build, and I take care of how I present myself. I grew up in an environment where carrying yourself well mattered, so I’m clean, put together, and mindful of how I show up.

I’m not overly masculine, but I’m not disconnected from it either. I’d say I lean more soft in my expression, but still grounded in how I carry myself. Just comfortable in my own skin.

Outside of work, I try to keep my life balanced. I have my social outlets too, like the occasional pub crawl or nights out with friends. It is my way of unwinding, letting loose a bit, and meeting people in a more organic setting.

I also stay physically active through bouldering and martial arts. They do more than just keep me fit. They teach discipline, awareness, and a kind of quiet connection with people without the need to force interaction.

On the intellectual side, I enjoy reading. Mostly philosophy, anthropology, psychology, and even military strategy. I’m also part of a small philosophy group where we have weekly discussions that help me stay grounded and keep my mind moving.

I also write as a way of processing things. My thoughts, reflections, and the things I don’t always say out loud. It gives me a space to be honest with myself.

Then there are the simple things I just genuinely enjoy. Watching anime, reading manhwa, cooking when I need something calming, and listening to music that actually makes me feel something.

Those small things make life feel full.

What I am looking for is not a rigid checklist, but I know what I am naturally drawn to.

I am generally open when it comes to age, though I tend to connect best with people who have a certain level of maturity and groundedness in how they move through life. I am open to older men as well, and I do not mind a significant gap if the connection and alignment are there.

**Taller** tends to be my preference, and someone who carries himself with quiet confidence. I am also drawn to a more masculine presence, not in a superficial way, but in a way that complements my energy. There is a balance in that which just makes sense to me.

More than anything, I am looking for alignment in values. Someone who is intentional, emotionally stable, and consistent not just in words but in how they show up.

I will be honest that I can be quite specific about what I want. Not because I am trying to exclude people, but because I value clarity and I respect both our time. If you are looking for something casual, open, or undefined, then we are probably not looking for the same thing, and that is okay.

If you made it this far, I appreciate you taking the time to read this.

If this resonates, I would like to hear from you in the same way. Something real. Something that actually tells me who you are.

And just so I know you were paying attention, send a 🍉.

Also, just to set expectations clearly, I do mean what I say about preferences. If you know we’re not aligned, I’d appreciate that being respected. It just helps keep things intentional on both sides.

That said, I genuinely appreciate the messages, and I’d love it even more if you came in with a proper introduction, something that gives me a sense of who you are so we can actually keep the conversation going.

When do you stop being considered a “new” lawyer?