I still miss her
Content warning, there’s not much hopecore here but I could use some support.
It’s been almost two years since I had to put her down. It came very, very suddenly; I took her in cause she wasn’t eating and I thought it was tooth pain, but turns out it was cancer. I found out on my birthday that there was nothing I could do for her, and I had to put her down a few days later. It was the worst experience of my life, but I wouldn’t change how I did it.
To anyone who is here because their pet is ill: be there. Hold them in your arms. They are scared and they are hurting, and they feel safe with you. Be there in their final moments. You’d rather do this a day too soon than a minute too late. I promised she’d never, ever go hungry or cold or scared again, and that meant being there for something absolutely awful.
I can’t look at pictures of her for too long. I watched a video of her for the first time today, nearly two years later, and broke down in tears. I cry every time I think too much about her, or talk about it still. I wish I had done more for her in her short time with me.
I haven’t adopted since, though I’d like to in the future. I’m just not in a position mental health wise or financially to give them the life they deserve. I wish I’d done more for Scraggles. Feels like I lost a piece of my heart with her, still.
I’m realizing as I’m writing this out the suddenness of her passing might’ve fucked me up more than I thought. Love you so much baby, and I miss the weight of you sleeping on my arm more than you know. I hope you’re so happy wherever you are, no pain and so much churu.