How do i let go when I love her more than humanly possible
I'm a 40m that has been struggling with getting over someone that I honestly expected to be by my side forever. We have had a "strange" and unusual relationships to say the least. She always has to run as soon as there is any type of disagreement but she always comes back and I trusted her enough to know she wasn't out with some dude when she left so as long as she stayed in contact with me I knew eventually she would be back. But this time has been very different. She packed up and left while I was at work 2 weeks before and sent 1 text saying she needed space. That was it. No I'm sorry no explanation nothing. Well I don't handle things of this sort very well so I did call and text her way too much and that was stupid I know that now but after a few weeks I still hadn't heard from her, well turns out she went straight to her exs house. Left me to deal with everything at the house by myself not to mention spend Christmas alone. I did everything in the world for this girl. Take 100% care of her and her daughter. They never did without anything. I have loved this woman more than I ever thought could be possible , so finally sometime in February she starts talking to me again and it starts off with just a few text and then we started working together on little projects I was doing to make some extra cash. We were getting along great she seemed to be getting more anf more comfortable being back around me and bringing her daughter around just like the way it was before. We weren't trying to get back together we were just helping eachother and just having good days together. Having lunch and just spending time together butbi started suspecting that the only reason why she was spending any time with me was because she was making money. Lots of money. I would give her anywhere from 50% to sometimes 100% of the profits from the jobs. She went back home with a considerable amount more than I did. But that's the way I wanted it. Because I love the woman and i want to do anything I possibly can't to help her. But I made the comment one day about her only being in my truck was because she was getting paid. I wasn't being an asshole about it. I was just thinking out loud. Well Holy fuck, you would have thought I called her the c word or something cause she wants nuts jumped out the truck before I could get stopped and ran to her car and would not calm down to talk at all. I calmly walked to her car and knocked on the window hoping to explain what I was trying to say and she rolls down her window and throws the money I just give her at me and drives off. I have only seen her 1 time since then and she has been completely ignoring me and has me blocked. About 2 weeks ago she sent me an EMAIL, fucking email, saying that she declined any further contact?? And I haven't seen or heard from her since. We have been in this " relationship right at 2 years and she has changed my life in both positive and negative ways and has done me pretty shitty more than once, I never cheated. Never done her wrong in any way. She has left me twice now to go back and live with her ex but swears she's not fucking him. And I believe her some days and somedays I don't. But what I want to know is WHY CANT I STOP LOVING HER ? HOW DO I STOP OBSESSING OVER WHAT I DID WRONG AND HOW TO FIX IT? I really and truly love and care about her and her daughter more than anything else in this world aside from my own. 2 children they are/were the most important people in my life. But clearly she doesn't care a me at all so why can't I just turn it off? I have sunk into such a deep depression because of this that some days I just want to give up because the pain is more than I can handle. PLEASE HELP! WHAT DO I DO?