I think I'm in love with my professor.
I post it because I want to tell it even if nobody is going to read it. Sorry if it's kinda messed up, it's my first time posting on Reddit.
So, I (f) have been going to the same school since 2023, where I met my mathematics professor (m). At first it was like any other professor to me, a bit more handsome than the others, for me at least because I know for a fact he isn't conventionally attractive, but everything was normal.
Then because of certain circumstances I had— I still have— to spend about an hour after classes while I wait for my school bus to arrive. The first couple of months I used to stay at the secretary's office during that hour, but there were a lot of mosquitoes and it was way too hot so one day I decided to spend that hour with my professor doing homework, but we started talking and I realised we have so much in common and... I don't know, it is just the way that it is.
Since that day I got close to him, and about two years or less ago I realized I might like him a little too much, more than a student should like her professor, more than a friend should too. I mean, he's never done anything inappropriate or sort of, but just talking with him was enough for me to fall. I don't like to say I'm in love with him because I think love is a very strong word (even more in Spanish, that is my mother tongue), but the more I try to get rid of these feelings the more I feel drawn by him.
My parents are 20 years apart, they're still together, my grandparents from my mother's side are 10 years apart. My professor and I are 15 years apart, from my parents perspective isn't THAT bad, and, hell, what do I expect from myself if that's the way I've been raised? But at the same time I know he only sees me as a student, a good one, but as a student.
However, I know this is damn wrong, in every aspect, so I will never act on it, and probably nobody, besides the strangers on the internet, will ever know about this crush I've got on him. I do not aspire to a relationship between him and I— that would be freaking creepy— but at the same time I wish the circumstances were different.
Besides, I have noticed I find attractive older men and I don't know what my problem is I have had a present father. 🫠
I know I want him to be happy and these messy feelings of mine is what he needs the least and someday I'll overcome these unrequited feelings but in the meantime I wanted to write about it.