My girlfriend (28F) broke up with me (29F). I want her back as she is the love of my life.
I want to know if my ex girlfriend will come back.
We were together for 1 year and 5 months, but we knew each other for around 2 years. We first met while working as cabin crew, and at that time both of us were still with our exes. I ended my relationship first because I wanted to pursue her, while she stayed longer to try fixing things with her ex. She eventually blocked me everywhere for 6 months. After she broke up with him, we started talking again and got together about a month later.
Being cabin crew together gave us a lot of time to travel and bond. The relationship felt natural and easy in the beginning. We could enjoy silence together, act goofy around each other, and we always took photobooth pictures whenever we saw one. Things were great for about a year. Later, I lost my cabin crew job and joined a security company, which demanded more of my time. She also left cabin crew few months later and started working at a restaurant/bar 1 month ago. After that, our relationship slowly changed because we had much less time together.
She still made some effort to meet me, but we definitely saw each other less. Around this period, my anxiety started growing. She would often go drinking with coworkers after work until very late, sometimes until 10am, and would end up at coworkers’ homes (Girl coworkers’ home) instead of meeting me or spending time together. She usually only told me she was having dinner or supper with coworkers, without updating me on where she was, who she was with, or when she would be home. We shared locations, so I could still see where she went, but I wanted reassurance directly from her. Before this new job, she used to update me often, so the sudden change affected me badly. I became increasingly anxious, insecure, and eventually controlling.
I confronted her through a video call and firmly told her I was unhappy with the situation. I said I didn’t want her staying out until 10am anymore. After that, we stopped talking for 2 days even though I kept trying to call her. On 30 April into 1 May, we finally met and spoke about everything. I explained my concerns while she mostly stayed quiet, but eventually apologized and said she felt bad about the situation. That night we drank whiskey, had sex, and slept together before she went to work the next morning. I thought things would improve after that conversation, but communication still remained distant.
On 2 May, I went to fetch her from work because she still was not replying properly to my calls or messages. She told me she would talk to me the next morning and planned to sharing a cab with her manager because the company was paying for the cab. I objected because I was already there and willing to send her home myself. Eventually, her manager sent her home, but she left without informing me first. Only about 30 minutes later did she text to say she was already on the way home and would meet me there. That night became our breakup conversation.
During the breakup talk, I kept asking why it was so difficult for her to update me because, to me, it felt like the bare minimum in a relationship. She explained her side too, but the conversation became emotionally exhausting with a lot of back and forth. At one point, I asked, “Do you want to break up?” and immediately regretted saying it. She answered yes. I broke down crying and begged her not to leave, telling her I still loved her and wanted us to work things out. She held my hand and face while comforting me, but still said, “I still love you, but I’m sorry.”
After I calmed down, we talked more deeply about the relationship. She said my controlling behavior reminded her too much of her ex-boyfriend of 5 years, and that she promised herself she would leave if she experienced that again. I told her I was willing to change, but she said she could not trust those words because her ex used to promise the same thing. She also said that in the beginning I felt calming to her, “like water to her fire,” but over time I became more like fire too. Looking back, I think I started matching her energy instead of staying emotionally grounded.
There were also moments where I handled stress badly. Once, when she came home drunk and crying without explaining why, I became frustrated and punched my cupboard. Another time during the breakup discussion, I slammed the table because I felt unheard. I never laid my hands on her, and I was raised never to hit a woman, but I understand now that my reactions still made her feel unsafe emotionally. She also brought up smaller issues from throughout the relationship, like me walking ahead of her instead of beside her, not holding her hand enough, needing to be asked for affection, and not kissing enough during intimacy. I didn’t realize those small things mattered so much to her until the breakup.
Despite the breakup, she gave mixed signals that confused me emotionally. She said she still believed we would get back together someday and told me to “learn to be a better boyfriend.” When I told her I could get fit again within 6 months, she replied, “Then I’ll see you in 6 months.” We also talked about our handmade promise rings, and she said she did not want to remove hers because it would make her cry. Before we parted ways, she reached for my hand while we walked to the smoking area together. We hugged, kissed, and she even kissed my neck playfully before my cab arrived. She told me no sex because she wanted me to take the breakup seriously, then texted later to make sure I got home safely.
After that night, she became mostly silent. On 4 and 5 May, she still maintained our TikTok streak despite us not talking. From 6 to 7 May, there was no contact at all, even after I restored the streak. On 8 May, I sent her a message apologizing for my anxiety and insecurities, telling her I was going back to the gym and seeking help to improve myself. I also told her I still loved her and believed we could rebuild something healthier in the future. She never replied or even read the message. Then on 10 May, she removed the only Instagram post she had left of us together, which was from a New Year’s pool party on 1 January 2025.
My birthday is on 14 May, which makes this period even harder emotionally. I genuinely believe she is the person I wanted to marry. Looking back now, I can see how my anxiety, insecurity, and reactions damaged the relationship, even though my intentions came from fear of losing her. At the same time, I also felt hurt by the sudden emotional distance and lack of reassurance from her side. Right now, I know I cannot force her to come back, but I still deeply want another chance to rebuild the relationship in a healthier way.
I weren’t kidding when I said I lost the love of my life. I knew since day 1 me and her was gonna get married and she did as well. Please give me some advice and please be kind.