I waited a lot before writing this and deleted it the first time. I tested on 04/27, and I’m pretty sure I failed. I guess I’m too exhausted to even grieve it. Just numb. I know my friends will see this, and they keep telling me that I got a good score, but I feel like no one will take my word for it.
I feel so defeated. I studied for over a year because I was a full-time resident in Norway until the last 2 months, when I had to tell my job that I needed time off for dedicated, and got full support from my attendings. I just feel so stupid. How could I possibly sit there after consistently scoring okay scores on my NBMEs and just feel like this was a whole different exam? 🥹
I feel like I did everything I could. Maybe I could’ve done better. I was exhausted because of work and woke up at 5am to study before work, studying also after work and I even tried to do Anki after my night calls on days I was post-call. I really tried to take dedicated seriously, but I was just sitting there marking 80–90% of my exam and feeling like I was constantly guessing.
I am never really confident, but this time I just remember pushing myself after each block and telling myself, “Okay, the next one will be better,” and it just kept getting worse. To the point that during the last 2 blocks, I looked at how much time I had left and was just thankful that this would soon be over.
The stems were so long, I felt like I was just scanning the questions and choosing something really fast before moving to the next question.
I’m American, but my family moved, so I went to medical school in Europe, and I now work here as a resident in Norway. I was praying that I could go back to the US, especially since my family is moving back. I’m just so heartbroken and mad at myself that I was probably just tired during the last 10 days and didn’t push myself enough. I don’t know. And I’m so scared that with a step 2 fail or a low score my chances are slim and that I am doomed to stay far from my family if I want to practice what I love.
I tried to do everything right so that I will be deserving of matching my chosen specialty, I just got my PhD this year because I knew that I have to work harder since I’m an IMG, and I waited until my scores were “safe” before taking step 2.
My friends and family will not take my word for it because I’ve never failed before, and especially after my step 1 experience but I just don’t see a different alternative here when I know how much I guessed on this exam. It felt like a complete disaster 😔
Sorry for this long post and I don’t know if there’s a point, but if it helps someone else sitting with the same feelings, maybe it was worth it.
My last NBMEs were 255, 260, 262, and 265 on 16, and prior to that I was in the 24x range on 11 and the ones before, I think. But my Free 120 was 75% 3 days out, so I guess something happened.