My mom decided to ask in the car to mothers day dinner if I was Non Binary
SO to start i (AFAB and 27) was going out with my husband and my brother to bring my mom to mother's day dinner last Saturday.
I had been questioning if im Agender, Non Binary, demi girl etc for several months. Well to reaffirm myself I has set my pronouns on Facebook/Instagram to She/They for now. I had however kept it private or so I thought
apprently my FB settings for my pronouns ended up viewable to my family.
So we get in the car and start driving over. Husband (31M) is driving and im in the passenger seat. Brother (older then me) and mom were in the backseat.
We get driving and my hubby mentions "yeah OP and I wore button up shirts to look nice!". My mom then decides to go "hey so OP are you non binary?"
Which came out of left field. I didnt intend to ever tell her let alone have her ask me while im still figuring it all out.
She says she wants to be supportive but she is the type to be supportive as long as the LGBTQIA+ person isnt HER child. Ex is she pushed me to date men once she found out i was Bi.
So in her asking this i fumbled through poorly explaining it. I tried explaining it as im a HUGE Dungeons and Dragons fan the following way: "you know how you see a goblin in media and you just dont assume a gender you just assume *goblin* and it isnt until someone's like this is Jeff the goblin you even think about applying a gender to said goblin? Its like that. I just *exist* as a little gender neutral npc goblin most of the time with the occasional desire to dress like a magical fairy princess a few times a year (talking like ren faire or going to the magic castle kind of frequency here). But she didn't understand what I meant in the slightest. I was woefully unprepared to be bombarded with such questions at 7pm on a Saturday in the car.
My hubby tried to help explain further but also fumbled it. My mom then says "i identify as a rabid racoon" which honestly felt very insulting and mocking.
She then proceeded to ALL NIGHT call me "her girl". Keep in mind she normally just calls me by my name. She had only ever had 1 pet name for me as a child and i hated it and was vocal of that. Outside of that she never called me a pet name as my name is 4 letters so why does it need to be shortened as a pet name.
After dinner in the car i explained I didnt appreciate her suddenly calling me "her girl" and how that was very contradicting to her wanting to be "supportive " and she said "well i just need a pet name for you and its so nice" and kept making excuses and also pressuring me to give her a pet name for myself which is genuinely weird af.
Side note but my mom is very controlling. Think Mother Gothel in Tangled controlling. To the point my wedding dress was in fact Rapunzel Lilac. So ive been in therapy to deal with it and learn to say no.
Idk why im posting i guess i just wanted to vent a bit. I ended up coming out as NB to my 3 closest friends bc I needed to vent to someone about it same day xD the night thing is the 3 of them were like "dude thats so disrespectful of her im sorry" and didnt make a big deal of the NB thing which I greatly appreciated.
But yeah idk i just wanted to vent a bit to peoppe who might understand. My hubby is great and doesnt care because he loves me and my friends are all great as they just care about me. But yeah my mom is a hyper feminine person who put me in glitz beauty pagents as a kid and told me id regret not wearing false lashes and doing eyeliner for my wedding this past October (I hate both. I have autism and its a sensory nightmare) so idk if this is her being upset that her little barbie isnt an actual barbie and is a person or what.