u/Master_Awareness_433

I’m a mom of three, the youngest being 15 months. I’ve never really dealt with PP depression, not saying I didn’t have it but sorta ignore/stuffed it down. My COVID baby (middle child) was the most intense. I work from home FT and manage our two younger ones while the eldest is at school. I’m struggling to day the least. When I went for my six week check up I scored high on the PP depression/anxiety sheet and was prescribed low dose Zoloft which I stopped taking bc I thought I was fine. But lately I do NOT sleep-I’ll have what I guess are lucid dreams and am violently woken up kicking/screaming/looking for the baby (15 month old). Like I instantly think I rolled on him or he’s under pillows (he’ll be in his crib…in his room…down the hall). The other day I fell asleep and I was hardly sleep before this image popped in my head of me in our minivan and I grabbed my son and held him out of the window - as I did this he was struck by a 18 wheeler-at which point I woke up kicking, screaming, looking for him and wondering wtf was that? Am I okay? That’s never happened before. I KNOW to my core I would never hurt my kids, this isn’t that “gonna drive the minivan in the river” sorts thing (my heart goes out to women suffering from those thoughts) but what is this? I have an apt scheduled with my provider but wondering who else this happens to—