(Cross posted)
I’ve had a close platonic friendship with a guy since early college (about 7 years). He’s been in an on-and-off relationship with his current girlfriend for around 2.5 years, and during this current stretch (about 11 months), she was definitely my friends girlfriend at first but at this point is just my friend with or without him, and these days she and I probably have a closer relationship than me and him.
From my perspective, they’re not a great long-term match. I’ve been indirectly in the middle of their past breakups, which he’s initiated each time usually for the reason being some version of him not seeing a future with her. (No judgement very valid)
My fiancé is his roommate, so we’re around them frequently. Back in January, he told my fiancé he planned to break up with her because he doesn’t love her, but delayed doing so due to work complications since they’re coworkers.
That same night, she called me saying she had a gut feeling he was going to break up with her. I chose not to say anything because I felt it wasn’t my place and wanted to give him the opportunity to handle it himself.
However, months have passed and he still hasn’t followed through. There have been multiple instances since then that showed he still intended to end things (excluding her from a group trip because he expected them to be broken up by then), but told us she was coming less than 48 hours notice…
Now it’s May, and they’re still together. She talks about their future in a serious way, while he has explicitly said (at least in the past) that he doesn’t love her.
I feel stuck between two friendships. Telling her would feel like betraying him, but staying silent feels like I’m withholding something significant from someone I care about, especially knowing it could hurt her more if she eventually finds out I knew all along…
He’s been my friend for longer than I’ve even known my fiancé existed, but recently has been kind of a lame friend- rude and passive aggressive, borderline mean and very irritable to both me, her and honestly a lot of people. He’s been a very good friend to me usually and one I’ve valued highly in the past, but it upsets me seeing him act like this and I’m not sure what to do