Depression, Low CGPA and Broken Dreams
During my second year of undergrad i fell into depression, it got so bad there was a time it was hard for me to get up from bed, mandatory attendance was the only thing that got me up from bed as i couldn't afford to repeat the year. As expected my result dropped which continued to my 3rd year. I would study but couldn't remember, the more that happened the more my depression got bad. By the time i started to get better my GPA was gone.
But i didn’t want to lose hope, i thought i could get it covered. I published a paper after graduation, got a job,got certifications but i couldn't get pass. Being an international student from third world isn’t helping either.
From 2023, i had been trying for ms/phd, got few acceptance but no funding. I tried high to low ranking but no funding. Now i am even ashamed to ask for recommendation letters from my recommenders. As a girl i don't have much support from family either.
Now that i look back sometimes i wonder maybe it was never depression, maybe i was just a bad student.
Sorry for the long rant. Studying aboard working in lab with other students who are equally passionate, getting phd, working in R&D had always been my dream. Having hard time accepting what i had always wanted might never get it.