It's been two years since the break up and I still mourn the loss of my dear friends often. These were people I considered family although we lived in different countries. I'd met them IRL many times, shared my worries and successes and spent a lot of time with them on calls, gaming, etc. We made so many amazing memories together, and now I will never speak to any of them again.
They basically all took my ex's "side" in the break up, which makes sense since he lives in the same country as them. I just couldn't get over how, even leading up to the break up, I talked to them about our situation (I was closer to them than he ever was) and how upsetting it was to come to terms with the fact that he was abusive. What stings even more is that I, along with a few other people, helped one of the members of our friend group out of an abusive relationship, and I really could have used their support in the break up.
You might be wondering how a long-distance relationship can be abusive, but I promise you, psychological abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse (though he did also physically assault me and ignore my boundaries IRL). I was so gaslit (for 3+ years at that point) that I'd completely forgotten about some really damaging incidents until after the breakup, which I also told my friends about after they told me they were willing to listen. They found it all abhorrent but never made any indication that they'd condemn my ex's actions.
I don't know what I expected. These people, my ex friend group and my ex partner, are all the best of friends now to my knowledge. In addition, my ex is now engaged to the girl he told me not to worry about (my sister still follows him on social media and told me). 🫠
It sucks. I miss our inside jokes and spending time together with them. I don't miss my ex at all, mind – just my ex friends.
The good side is that about 6 months after the break up, I started hanging out with some IRL friends again and even meeting a couple new people. Now we have our own little circle and I love them more than anything. But that younger, traumatized part of me still longs for those times all those years ago when I would spend hours on Discord playing games with my ex friends, sending them letters and poems and paintings I'd made. Maybe it's part of getting over it. I'm not mad at myself for it "taking so long", but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about that old friend group often.
ETA: We were all in our mid to late 20's at the time of the break up.