Any help appreciated
Sorry for the long post, it's just right now I wish I could reach back in time and take younger me somewhere before she could get so hurt.
I'm turning 33 this year. After decades of emotional and physical abuse my mother disowned me when I reached my mid twenties and I was an only child. My therapist at the time did point out how I was grieving for a life that had been nothing but pain but it was the only love I knew. I admit I went through some dark times and I still have the depression from it. But for some reason I couldn't end it, I entertained the thought daily but something always stopped me. Then somehow I found someone amazing four years ago. He saved my life really, but it's ended up bittersweet. I've finally found something to live for and someone to want a future with only to realise that it's out of my reach.
How cruel it is to be given this sudden happiness that makes me want to actually have a life now, just to have it snatched away by reality. I can't afford it. I can't afford a home, or the beautiful children I long to have. And the reason why is because I wasted away all those years locked away in my bedroom.
I managed to get a job four years ago and I am proud of that, but minimum wage in this economy means I can only afford a dream. All my money goes on rent and bills.
Any amount of money or just something kind that anyone is willing to offer will be appreciated to be honest. I would do a gofundme if I could stand it but my pride is one of the things that kept me going this far, putting my face out there where people I have had to cut out of my life could stumble into it is too much of a risk for me so I'm asking here.