u/Mammoth-Dragonfly563

9 months ago I (19F) was going through the hardest thing I’ve ever been through in my life. I got diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses and had to have surgery. I barely ever left my house because I was so sick. My best friend (Ken 18F) was my rock through it. She was over at my house all the time and we would do nothing but just watch movies and talk. She was genuinely what got me through it. Ken struggles a lot with anxiety, so she doesn’t leave her house a lot either so us hanging out at home wasn’t just for me. A couple months before I had gone through another friendship break up because my other friend sucked at communicating and communicating is my biggest thing. If you have a problem with me, I want you to talk to me and we can fix it together. Anyways, a couple weeks before I went into surgery ken and I went and stayed at my parents cabin, just us. Everything was great and we had so much fun. Fast-forward to a week before my surgery we were supposed to get tattoos but Ken never got her ID and texted me that a day before the tattoos. I told her “I mean you’ve had 3 months to get it” when she responded with a paragraph about how understanding she always is and how can I not be understanding too. I sat with it for a day and I texted her and apologized because she’s genuinely my best friend. She said it was all okay and we are back to normal. Or so I thought. When I got surgery, I barely heard from. She checked in once and that was it. The following week I ended up in the ER. I texted about it twice and I never got a response. I was going through the hardest time in my life and she ghosted me. So why am I still so upset? It’s been nine months and I still cringe at the sound of her name. I can’t even bring myself to look at photos of us. I ended up unfollowing her on social media (like a month ago) and she unfollowed me back. She was such a huge part of my life and now she’s gone like that. And i don’t even know truly why. A couple weeks after ghosting me she told our mutual friend that she’s “upset with me but it’s hard to explain why”. Like what??? I’m still heartbroken. She was supposed to be my maid of honor. How did our friendship mean so little to her? The surgery fortunately solved most of my health issues and physical I’m doing a lot better. Mentally I have grown astronomically since when I first got sick. But she’s always in the back of my mind. Our friendship. Our memories. And unfortunately I can’t look at these with love and happiness. Even our happy memories are clouded in sadness. The funny thing is that if she reached out and wanted to reconnect, I wouldn’t and I’m a very forgiving person. So why am I in so much pain? When am I going to get over it? Honestly I don’t know why I’m posting this. Any advice would be appreciated.