u/Mammoth-Courage-414

Yeah. It's me. Again. After painstakingly COMPLETELY rewriting episode 1 of an animated series I had in mind, and formatting CORRECTLY this time (apart from arguably the [INTRO] bit), I present, the better, but probably still corny pilot. If it sounds like it was written by a cringe teenager... now you know why. Rate the script, do try to keep in mind it's animation so the 'corny threshold' is way higher than something irl. Access updated btw

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1MJhhj5nu7CiFwFiefqosAL1WO3_ugeAp/view

Yeah. It's me. Again. After painstakingly COMPLETELY rewriting episode 1 of an animated series I had in mind, and formatting CORRECTLY this time (apart from arguably the [INTRO] bit), I present, the better, but probably still corny pilot. If it sounds like it was written by a cringe teenager... now you know why. Rate the script, do try to keep in mind it's animation so the 'corny threshold' is way higher than something irl. Access updated btw

https://drive.google.com/drive/u/1/mobile/recent

Yeah. It's me. Again. After painstakingly COMPLETELY rewriting episode 1 of an animated series I had in mind, and formatting CORRECTLY this time (apart from arguably the [INTRO] bit), I present, the better, but probably still corny pilot. If it sounds like it was written by a cringe teenager... now you know why. Rate the script, do try to keep in mind it's animation so the 'corny threshold' is way higher than something irl.

https://drive.google.com/drive/u/0/folders/1x9zYz2-YwKwCIsRKVmXw7ouzgIZIoTPL

So I've been developing this series for quite a bit now; probably something along the lines of a year or two. I've written five episodes, plus some novel-ish hybrid thing and a couple of other things.

This is essentially a Newgrounds, somewhat internet-like, high school series. Most of the characters, as you might be able to gauge, are based on characters from Battle For Dream Island. Which is why it originally read almost like an object show. After countless revisions, and changes, and more... I've ended up with the latest version. We're pretty far from the first draft at this point, but one of my friends has still said it's only a 5/10, so I turned to the general public. I'm aware this isn't anywhere near professional, but I just need a heads up. What do you think of this? Is it too corny, or is it actually good, and my friends are just trying to piss me off? And what can I do better (because there are definitely areas for improvement)?

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1q79umrpog_PvRO9bqZ33LFmR85dN0GUG/view

So I've been developing this series for quite a bit now; probably something along the lines of a year or two. I've written five episodes, plus some novel-ish hybrid thing and a couple of other things.

This is essentially a Newgrounds, somewhat internet-like, high school series. Most of the characters, as you might be able to gauge, are based on characters from Battle For Dream Island. Which is why it originally read almost like an object show. After countless revisions, and changes, and more... I've ended up with the latest version. We're pretty far from the first draft at this point, but one of my friends has still said it's only a 5/10, so I turned to the general public. I'm aware this isn't anywhere near professional, but I just need a heads up. What do you think of this? Is it too corny, or is it actually good, and my friends are just trying to piss me off? And what can I do better (because there are definitely areas for improvement)?