u/MaltaPrivacy

After experimenting with various nootropics over the past couple years, I’ve noticed something interesting. The compounds that scare me the most aren’t necessarily the euphoric ones. It’s the ones that quietly make life feel… manageable.

Modafinil was the first thing that made me realize how much energy my brain normally wastes fighting basic task initiation, cognitive fatigue, context switching etc. Not in a “limitless pill” way. Honestly the opposite. It just reduced friction.

And weirdly, that can become psychologically dangerous in its own way because once your brain experiences long periods of calm, sustained functionality, your old baseline suddenly feels broken by comparison.

That realization alone sent me pretty deep into the nootropics, all trying to answer the same question: what level of cognition is actually “normal” for people now?

Feels like modern productivity culture shifted from “how do I work harder?” to “how do I maintain functional neurochemistry consistently?”

Thoughts?

Hi everyone,

On Friday morning, I decided to try mushrooms that I grew myself for the very first time.

To give you some context: I am 39, single, and I’ve been on 15mg Escitalopram (Lexapro) for quite a while to manage anxiety. The SSRI works pretty well, but my ultimate goal is to eventually taper off, rewire my brain, and conquer this underlying anxiety once and for all. That’s why I got interested in psychedelic therapy.

Another important detail: the evening before (Thursday), I had my very first hypnotherapy session focused on "emotional release/cleansing."

Due to a heating failure during my grow, I barely harvested anything. People on specialized Facebook groups told me that I "wouldn't even feel a buzz with that amount," that it was essentially a microdose, and that on top of that, my 15mg of Lexapro would likely block the effects anyway.

I figured that worst-case scenario, it would act as a beneficial microdose for my BDNF. So, I made a Lemon Tek (lemon + hot water + a tea bag) and drank it on Friday at 11 AM. (They were dried mushrooms, I will attach a picture of the dose).

I definitely felt the come-up. I was outside on my patio, and it was nice and pleasant. Then, as it got really hot outside, I went indoors and laid on my couch after having a meal.

I laid down, closed my eyes, and from there, the journey became deeply introspective. I felt truly, profoundly relaxed, experiencing total inner peace.

All my social hierarchies collapsed: I felt that nothing mattered because I knew how to just be "here and now." Money, material possessions, love, or sex had no importance... Even the idea of being in a relationship and having kids (which I don't have yet, but deeply desire at 39, and which is a major source of stress for me) felt completely non-urgent and non-vital. In short, it was a feeling of absolute wholeness.

But... at some point, the comedown started. And when I reconnected with reality... the crash hit.

I became profoundly sad, depressed, with a strong urge to cry. I was overwhelmed by intense anxiety and fear. :(

Friday evening was rough. The next day (Day+1) wasn't easy either, and waking up this morning (Day+2) was still very hard. This experience seems to have stirred everything up in my brain, and the return to reality is agonizingly difficult.

The worst part is that I am not fundamentally depressed. I felt fine before taking the dose; my only intention was to treat my anxiety (and need for control) to prepare myself for a future SSRI taper.

Long story short, since Friday evening, I am terrified by the thought of staying single forever, never finding anyone, and remaining anxious my whole life. I am scared of the future and of myself. It’s very hard to endure right now.

I don't know what to make of this "Post-Trip Blues" or cognitive dissonance.

Does this happen often?

Since the crash, I’ve been taking 2x 500mg of L-Theanine daily to try and manage as best as I can until things improve.

Do you have any advice for integrating this emotional crash?

Thank you in advance for your help.

People talk about doing 100mg of vyvanse, 60mg adderall, a ton of dex but for me, I feel uncomfortably numb, irritated and just mad at my existence at anything over 20mg Vyvanse or 5mg Dex.

However, at 20mg or 5mg life does feel much better, with Vyvanse rush lasts same as Dex but then I get a few more hours of just feeling okay-good but not super good. And I don't seem to build a tolerance to any dose, like say when I was using higher doses I d feel the same etc. But I take them orally

Why is that? I thought more dopamine = better mood. Why doesn't it do that to me and I just get hit with all the negatives and none of the positives, It's been that way since the first time I took an amphetamine. Technically I was not abusing it as I was titrating up according to the prescription but the mechanism is the same.

I know this isn't a drug abuse sub hey there are some great minds on this sub that could help explain it.