So supposedly Islam is to bring you closer to god and make you make sense of this world.
Ever since I started my journey or more like gotten serious about it, I feel like I've done a mistake or maybe im following the wrong Islam maybe I misunderstood what you are supposed to do as a muslim. Ever since I started understanding the quran and praying 5 times on time for almost 2 years now. I have lost everything, my self identity, my career, my money, my savings, I'm getting humiliated by people. I've gone from an executive level career jump to jobless for the past 6 months, living on saving and odd jobs online. And now recently I've lost all feeling of connection in Salah nor do I feel "guided: by the Quran anymore. It all feels colorless and soulless. I've been trying to connect more to my religion and to the divine by increasing my charity and prayer and dhikr but im literally getting humiliated on a daily basis by "random" occurences. I used to be this confident guy who had his stuff figured out now I'm a wreck of a person mentally, I am so lost as to what im doing wrong. I have been deluluijg myself into thinking its all a test from Allah but chances are its not a test but a punishment for something, something I've missed idk, because I cant feel that connection anymore. Its like a rug pull almost.
Am I taking Islam too literally? Is it not supposed to be a thing you totally rely on and are suppose to lie and cheat to earn a living and make your way through this world?
Islam seems like you're gona suffer in this world if you follow Islam.
Thoughts? Advice?