When optimizing what other players can do (namely me) is code for being a jerk, I have to share this story
I was invited to join a D&D gaming group about three years ago. It was fun for a while, even though the person who invited me (let's call him K) would often veto my ideas. While his technical interpretations weren't necessarily "wrong," I felt my agency was slowly being whittled away. Under a previous GM, I wanted my half-orc barbarian to use a whip as a secondary weapon; based on the rules, I just needed the right proficiency or a few Monk levels. That GM was great—he helped me design the character and offered a homebrew solution. Back then, I was rarely questioned for my combat choices, and the games were mostly improv, which I loved.
When we changed DMs, it became more apparent that K was challenging my choices under the guise of saying "that's not available" or telling me I was "not playing efficiently." For example, my bounty hunter-style fighter would save certain abilities that required a short rest to reset, but K would often insist I use them more frequently. In my opinion, it should be my choice whether or not a situation warrants burning a resource.
Over time, his micromanagement worsened. I couldn't attempt "pulp-style" play—the kind that can often be resolved with a simple Athletics or Acrobatics check—because K constantly tried to "ground" me. We used minis for combat, and he’d insist I was "better off" running to one specific square rather than positioning myself where I actually wanted to be. I started wondering why no one else ever spoke up to ask, “Why can’t you just let them decide?”
During a Sigil campaign, where characters have different lives but the same soul, he clearly had issues with my Swashbuckler Rogue build. When one player joked about me hijacking our ship (a bastion), another player chimed in, saying, “Oh, he’s going to get tossed overboard,” if the word pirate was even used. In a group of six, those meta cues were becoming blatant: it was time to exit.
Everything finally came to a head when K tried to take total control of my turn. I described my action: “I’m going to get up, take cover behind a magic portal, and if I can, take a potshot at the prone goblin.” K claimed I couldn't do that and demanded I decide on my actions "first, second, and third" because my plan wasn't "battle optimal."
After I finally told K to shut up and let the DM handle the ruling, the damage was done. K stormed out, convinced he was right and I was wrong. Another player (nicknamed A) actually backed me up, noting that K was clearly rules lawyering.
I apologized to the table
for my outburst, but I feel K overstepped twice: first, by micromanaging my character, and second, by being condescending in my own home. There are unspoken rules concerning the relationship between hosts and guests, in addition to who actually manages the table. K clearly forgot where he was. I’m glad I’ve left the group; if I hadn't quit mid-campaign, I would have gone insane. His mocking behavior was the final straw, and can finally say "I’m feeling MUCH better now!"